As long as it is consensual, there is no right or wrong way for a family to look. Modern families come in all shapes and sizes. The important thing is the love that connects them.
One family consisting of two married couples and their children shares their unique story online under the social media handle @polyfamory. Alysia and Tyler Rogers and Sean and Taya Hartless consider themselves a “closed polyfidelitous quad.” The foursome make their relationship work by having the men switch bedrooms and partners each night.
Alysia and Tyler Rogers and Sean and Taya Hartless were not looking for anything serious when they started to fall in love with each other. “We didn’t intend to fall in love … but here we are. When we met, we were just looking for something simple and physical, but when we all met each other, we just started to fall in love,” the quad writes on their Instagram account.
Alysia and Tyler already had two children from their relationship. The quad added two more babies in 2021. Alysia and Taya each had a baby, seven months apart.
None of the quad know which of the men fathered the new additions. “We wanted to do everything we could to make sure that everybody feels like an equal parent,” Taya explains. “At this point, finding out their genetics would change nothing.” Mom Alysia adds that if the children want to know down the line, the quad is open to finding out.
The quad further explains on their social media that the men are not in a relationship with each other, just the women. They define themselves as a “closed polyfidelitous quad,” which means they “don’t typically date outside of the four.” Another way to look at it is “quite literally a square.”
The women of the quad have their own master bedrooms and the men bounce back and forth between the two. “We have two master bedrooms on the opposite ends of the house,” the quad explains. “And the guys switch between rooms every night.”
It is not always easy, but no relationship ever is. The quad has managed to work through issues such as jealousy.
“In the beginning, before we established trust, we had a few issues with jealousy in hard times,” the quad states on Instagram. “But now it’s all hands on deck to support that person.”
Having more people in the relationship can be beneficial. “There’s four different people with four different strengths when it comes to meeting needs,” the quad explains. “That really comes in handy.”
The quad is aware not everyone approves of their lifestyle but are certain it is the best one for them and their family. “A lot of people don’t really understand polyamory and think it is deviant or unwholesome in some way. It is true that it wasn’t always easy — it took me a while to admit I had feelings for someone else — and we definitely do get jealous sometimes,” Taya explains.
She goes on to say that it is worth the work it requires. “But now it’s so natural to us all and I feel so grateful to have multiple partners to raise children with. Why wouldn’t you want more love and support and more hands around? It’s a messy, hectic, crazy, wonderful life and I can’t think of anything else we could ever want,” she concludes.
