Weddings can be expensive. A lot of people need to do a lot of saving to make such an event happen, while for others family will contribute.
One woman was grateful for her parents' contributions, but frustrated as well. She explained to Reddit that her whole life, her parents have told her they'd pay for her wedding. When it came time for the real thing and setting a budget, she couldn't get a straight answer out of mom and dad.
The bride got so frustrated she told her parents she'd rather elope, which wasn't what they wanted to hear. She asked Reddit which one of them is in the wrong, and there were some strong opinions.
The original poster (OP) explains that she'd heard about how her parents were going to give her the wedding of her dreams for her whole life.
"I'm recently engaged and I've started planning my wedding. I'm the only girl and my parents make good money (about 450k yearly) so they've always said they'd pay for my wedding when I decide to get married," she explained.
"I set my budget around 25k and started getting estimates on venue, photographer, videographer, etc. My dad said the budget was 40k (which I knew I'd be way below) so I wouldn't have to stress about DIY-ing the whole thing and enjoy the planning process," she continued.
"My mom has consistently pushed me to cut corners and have a cheaper wedding and said she'd give me a few thousand as a gift if I do (note: my mom is notorious for backtracking on promises when it comes to money)."
OP talked to her partner about it to make sure they were on the same page.
"My fiancé and I agree we'd rather have a nice, put together wedding than accept the gift (might I restate, she backtracks on these decisions last minute too often for me to trust it)," she noted.
"My mom has also gotten estimates of how much her friends paid for their daughters' weddings (all of which were over 25k) and agreed they could swing that financially."
That sounded fine until they quickly discarded that number, too. "The kicker here is after those two estimates were thrown out, my parents backtracked and gave me a final wedding budget of 20k," OP shared.
"My mom is also pushing me to use vendors her friends used instead of me finding people my that fit my style (she wants a southern barn wedding, I like more modern elegance). I wouldn't be so upset with them had the budget been 20k from the beginning but it seems as if they pulled that number out of thin air."
OP also noted a final number would have been helpful before she started making purchases.
"They also created this budget after my mom spent 3000 on my dress and veil so I’m now left with 17k," she said. Some people agreed with her up until here, but the post takes a turn.
"Another issue I have is they have no problem buying baseball tickets for $200 piece and spending $100+ on dinner multiple nights a week. They also just bought one of my younger brothers a car (he's in his junior year of college)."
OP got so frustrated she considered eloping, which her parents didn't take well to hearing.
"My fiancé and I are long distance and will be until we're married and when I told my mom I'd rather elope than dance around a wedding budget and not be able to enjoy my day, she flipped," she shared.
"She's pretty much refusing to let me elope and when I told her to plan the wedding herself because she’s being so picky, she had a problem with that too. I feel as if there's no winning in this situation. Quite frankly I just want to be married to the man I love instead of arguing over wedding budget with my parents."
Commenters had a lot of strong feelings about how everyone in this situation is kind of awful. "Sorry but you sound incredibly entitled whinging about your parents only giving you 20k for a single day event. That's an annual salary for some people," one commenter noted.
"Your mum is being overly pushy which I can imagine is really annoying. If she offered to pay for a wedding as a gift then it should be yours to design. If you want to elope then do it."
A lot of people also pointed out that if OP wants to elope, they're within their rights to do so. "You don't need your parents' permission to elope," another person said.
"You're better off taking yourselves off on a nice holiday, having a small wedding and then just having a casual dinner or celebration with friends afterwards when you get back. No stress, no fuss, you enjoy yourself, everyone else does too, and you don't need your parents."
Some people think the whole family is overcomplicating things. As more than a few commenters noted, OP and her fiancé can always pay for everything themselves and rid themselves of her parents' involvement. The parents, some said, need to take a stance and stick with it instead of being all over the place. This is one wedding we wouldn't want to attend, since it seems like the drama will only amp up as things move along.
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