Planning a wedding can and should be a great time for a couple. There's nothing like planning one of the biggest days in your life together to bring a couple closer … or to unearth potential setbacks and pitfalls to married life together.
One man recently shared on Reddit that his bride-to-be surprised him during a wedding planning session when she revealed she hopes to become a stay-at-home wife. Her reason? Working 9 to 5 just isn't something she really wants to do.
The man proposed just a month ago.
He kicks things off by explaining the two were talking about their wedding when she popped a second question: "Last night – after another session of wedding planning, my fiancee asked if I would be alright with her being a stay-at-home wife. at first, I laughed because I thought she was joking, but she was being very serious. she told me not to laugh and said she wants to be a stay-at-home wife."
She says working 9 to 5 isn't for her.
"I asked her why as we both make pretty good money at our jobs, and we can't afford our current lifestyle with just one income. she says it's because I make a lot more (which is true, I make about 40% more) than her and we could scale back our lifestyle – and said 'it's been on my mind a lot – I think working 9-5 just isn't for me' I asked her if she was being serious, and she confirmed that she is."
They aren't having kids, so he's unclear on what she would do.
"I said that I'm not comfortable with that idea, and said maybe if we have kids she could be a stay-at-home mom but I'm not cool with her being a stay-at-home wife. and she said that I was being 'manipulative.' since we're both child-free. but I just said that as a hypothetical – since I'm not at all okay with being the sole 'bread-winner.'"
They got into a big argument.
Unsurprisingly, the conversation kicked off a pretty big argument between the two.
"That divulged into a pretty heated argument. with her saying that I should 'support her dreams' (she never stated what she wants to do with her staying at home, even though I did ask)."
He might have taken things a little too far.
"In the heat of the moment I said 'where is this coming from, why is it your dream to be a stay-at-home wife? is it your dream to be lazy?'"
Now she's at her mom's, and he's not sure what to do.
"I'll be real here, I don't want her to be a stay at home wife, I'm not okay with being the sole breadwinner, and I do not wish to support this 'dream' – I want a partner in life, not a dependant doing nothing productive with their days."
People have a lot of thoughts on this one!
One person made a great point: Why did she wait until now?
"So she waits until you propose and she thinks she has you wrapped around her finger to tell you her 'dream' of being lazy and then has the nerve to say that you're the manipulative one? Jesus."
The man agrees.
The man agreed, noting that she didn't talk about this desire until he proposed: "That's a very good point – up until I proposed to her, she was just filled with so much ambition (one of the reasons I fell in love in the first place) – feels like it came out of left field her sudden desire not to work."
It sounds like a difference in values.
The idea is a nonstarter for a lot of people.
"If my husband had a dream to go back to college I would support that," one commenter wrote. "If he had a dream to start his own business in an area he was passionate about I would support that. If he had a dream to sit on his arse and play video games – be a 'stay at home husband' – he would soon be supporting my dream to be divorced."
Some people poked holes at the details, but not the overall argument.
"I don't necessarily think being a stay at home spouse is laziness," noted another commenter, "but if this isn't something being done for the mutual good of the relationship it is absolutely selfishness."
Ultimately, it just sounds like she was lying, or she changed her mind about who she is.
The man followed up with even more details.
"Up until I proposed – she was actually actively going for a better-paying position at her company. I fell in love with her level of motivation (had met her when our two companies had to work on a project together for another company) I thought we had the same mentality, and I feel pretty blind=sided by her sudden change of heart in terms of her future goals."
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