Danny the Trans Dad has done a lot to raise awareness of the challenges transgender, nonbinary parents face. Through his social media channels and his blog, he's documented what it was like to experience pregnancy as a transmasculine, nonbinary person and raised awareness of some of the challenges these communities face. Now he's sharing his experiences in parenting.
A few years ago, Danny decided to open up about a hospital visit during the early days of his pregnancy. In a recent post, he shared what it was like to have his knowledge of his own body and health questioned by medical professionals. He expressed the frustration that is people talking about you in front of you as if you're an inanimate object. Having to advocate for your health is one thing, but having to justify your existence and experience is a whole other.
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Danny's experiences are really eye-opening for people who will never be discriminated against or second-guessed when accessing health care. Seeing the challenges that can arise not only makes you more empathetic for that person in that moment but illuminates how frequently issues such as these can have larger ramifications across a community.
Danny Wakefield, known online as Danny the Trans Dad, has opened up his own life to raise awareness of the experiences of nonbinary people through pregnancy and parenting. In a recent post, Danny shared what it was like to go to the emergency room after finding out he was pregnant.
"Exactly one year ago today, I had to walk into my first Emergency Room visit, alone, as a pregnant Transmasculine non-binary person," Danny recalled.
"The day before I called my doctor [because] for two solid weeks I couldn't stop puking. She suggested that perhaps it was no longer COVID related (which I had tested positive for four week earlier) and asked if I could possibly be pregnant? I laughed out loud and then instantly got quiet. Yes, there was the possibility."
"Later that day I got my first pregnancy test and took it in @smoolovepottery bathroom while she sat on the couch absolutely sure I had lost it," he continued.
"I'll never forget her face when I walked out with a darker double line than I had ever seen before. Wilder Lea was on their way!"
Danny was excited, but he was also aware he was in need of medical attention. That may not seem like an intimidating task to undertake for some, but that's a privilege they are able to take for granted.
"I desperately needed fluids. It had been a day and half since I had gotten water down. I avoided the ER for as long as possible out of fear," Danny explained.
"It was already terrifying accessing medical care as a Trans person. How was that care going to look at the start of a pandemic as a pregnant guy? It looked absolutely horrific."
"I walked in and was immediately asked 'why are here today?' I remember my entire body instantly get warm and sweaty. I told him I needed fluids [because] I was dehydrated but not to worry, it wasn't COVID. He looked up with doubt and I knew I'd have to say.
I'm pregnant and I need fluids," he wrote.
"This is where the nightmare started. He looked up and said, 'excuse me, sir?' I stood there, alone and having to explain myself while I [felt] like I was dying. He then slowly walked away from the desk and went back into the Emergency room. He came back about five minutes later with a wheel chair and another man."
"They took me back to a room where there was a doctor and three other nurses waiting. I again told them that I was pregnant and they all looked at each other, rather than me. They left long enough for me to get into a gown and then all returned," he recalled.
"'How is that possible?' They asked. I told them I was Trans and still had the reproductive organs that allow me to carry. Without asking, the doctor pulled robe down over my shoulder to examine my chest scars, the 'proof' of identity. He then continued to touch my chest and shoulders while saying, 'wow, you have a lot of muscle.' While this happens, I'm continuously trying to tell them that I'm pregnant, but I can see they didn't believe me.
"After about ten minutes of examining my upper body (without asking) and repeatedly asking me to confirm my symptoms, [everyone] left the room. There, the doctors stood just behind the curtain whispering about me, my body, and how to tell me that I wasn't pregnant but in fact, likely had COVID."
It was in that moment that Danny had to stand up for himself and his unborn child in a major way:
"This is where I lost it. I yelled with my shaky voice, 'I CAN HEAR YOU. I'm right here and am the one you should be talking to, not each other. I want an ultrasound now.'"
"In hindsight, I realize this was the first time I advocated for my baby and how I found the courage to use my voice," he noted.
"They agreed to call for an a ultrasound and in the mean time, FINALLY hooked me up to fluids and anti-nausea meds. I then sat there alone in the ER room for an hour and half, until the ultrasound tech arrived."
Danny's life truly changed with the sound of his child's heartbeat. "And then, my entire world changed and I heard your heart beat. Everyone who stood in that room trying to convince me that you didn’t exist heard your heartbeat and stood there in disbelief. You were real and you were finally on your way to me," he shared.
"I was one day shy of being eight weeks pregnant. At this point, the team of seven people that had been in my room dwindled down to two quiet nurses. They finished giving me my fluids, wrapped my arm and said I was free to go. Just like that, it was over."
Danny explained how this unfortunate reality is made even more painful by knowing how many people with power work to pass anti-trans health bills that could keep trans people from lifesaving health care measures.
"All I needed was one ally in that room that day. Just one doctor or nurse who had the knowledge around how to properly care for Transgender patients. This was just the first of six ER visits," Danny noted.
"Visibility is so important. Education is so important. Trans inclusive healthcare is so important."
Danny also acknowledges that there are privileges that still protect him more than other transgender people. Still, he asserts it shouldn't be this way for anyone, let alone have tiers of severity.
"I know it's hard for some people to fathom that things like this happen, but they do. All of the time. This is the reality of what it means to be Transgender," he wrote.
"I also want to acknowledge that I'm a white person who passes as masculine and that alone comes with an immense amount of privilege. Our Black Trans siblings face far worse than this and it needs to stop. Please, help us make it stop. We’re human beings and deserve better."
Commenters were heartbroken by Danny's story. "I'm so sorry. What an awful experience for you," one wrote.
"Even though I'm in a different country and a different healthcare system, as a doctor I want you to know some of us are working to change things. We see you. Thank you for the courage to tell your story."
Many were moved to be better advocates for the transgender community. "Thank you for sharing this, Danny. That sounds absolutely horrendous and I hate you were treated this way," another commenter shared.
"Following your story has helped me so much in seeing how the trans community still faces so much discrimination and has called me to use my privilege to advocate for you all more than I originally thought I needed to ."
