When I was a senior in high school, my best friend and I had our hearts set on winning spots on Teen People magazine’s news team. We were chosen among hundreds of applicants and before we knew it, we were reporting from the press pit at Macy’s Herald Square in New York City, where a new boy band was performing. At that time, I had no idea how much of an impact Justin Timberlake and NSYNC would have on the world, and that writing and dream chasing would have on my life.
In my teens and 20s, if I wanted something, I found a way to make it happen. At my college, I held the role of entertainment editor of the campus newspaper and also launched the environmental section. I’ve always had a passion for writing about what’s hot and what’s important. That was exactly the tagline I used when one summer, I launched my own music ‘zine. It eventually transitioned into an online TV show on which we interviewed national acts.
In my 20s I got married — but then quickly divorced. Don’t pity me, though. I’m actually grateful that my life fell apart because it led me to publish a memoir that has helped women around the globe. I cried and then conquered my divorce, and went on to get remarried and eventually achieve my ultimate dream: becoming a mom.
That’s when I discovered a new part of myself as a mother and caregiver … and totally let the dream-chasing, goal-getting girl inside of me shrivel up into a corner for many years. I had so much guilt for being a working mom that I never wanted to leave my daughter on nights or weekends. Then, my son was born and I had guilt for splitting my attention between two kids. I never did anything without my kids.
Today, my daughter is 9 years old and my son is 6 years old. As a full-time book publicist, I specialize in nonfiction books and have always tended to gravitate toward reading memoirs and self-improvement books in my personal time. One of the lessons I’ve learned from working with experts is to pursue things that make me happy. Sounds simple enough — unless you’re a working mom of two young children whose husband often travels for his job so you pull double duty managing a home, family, three dogs, barely have time to go for a walk, and oh, let’s throw in chronic fatigue since that’s super fun. Don’t forget the mom-guilt, too. It always lingers.
But I finally started to invest in myself again.
As part of my new self-care routine a few years ago (and a way to balance my anxiety and stop scrolling on my cellphone), I started to read fiction books. I particularly found romance novels to be a fun escape and became inspired to write one last summer. I grew up writing stories on a typewriter and even cut models out of magazines and pasted them to the pages as the characters. My inner child was emerging to show me my path forward. I hear so many women say that they are giving up their own hobbies until their kids are older and let me tell you, I tried that and I was unfulfilled and missing a piece of myself.
I managed to write and publish my first romance novel in one year and I’m here to say that if you’re a parent who dreams of writing a book, or chasing another goal in your life you can do it — you just need to be strategic.
Here’s what worked for me:
Following my passions and teenage dreams.
Growing up in the '90s and early 2000s, I loved boy bands including Backstreet Boys and Boyzone (who no doubt inspired the boy band, Brozone, in the new Trolls movie). When you think about it, for many of us, boy bands were our first real loves. Posters of them lined our bedroom walls and we fantasized about being the girl in the music video.
But I have not seen anyone pay tribute to them in novel form. I decided it’s about time someone did this, and to quote NSYNC, I declared, “It’s gonna be me.” I took things one step further and made my main character a young divorced woman, tying in the mission of my memoir: to empower women on their journeys happily, even after. Writing about things important to me brought so much excitement, I couldn’t wait to move forward. My passion became greater than my fear of failure.
Setting a schedule.
Because I have chronic fatigue, I really need to conserve my energy and use my time in an efficient manner. I always follow a sleep schedule, even on the weekends. When my kids went to sleep, I went to sleep. I was able to get plenty of rest, rise, and write at 5:30 a.m. when my puppy barked from her crate. This daily occurrence became my routine. I actually looked forward to waking up before everyone else, brewing coffee, watching the sun rise, and typing on my laptop for a few hours before the kids woke up for breakfast. By 8 a.m., I’d already spent a few hours working (when I’m fresh!) toward my goal and I was able to go about the rest of my day feeling like I'd been productive and not stressed about how to sneak in personal time.
Creating micro-moments to multi-task or restore energy.
I set a schedule, but that’s not to say that I didn’t also try to squeeze in more time. I always block an hour for school pickup, and brought my laptop with me while I waited for the kids. I’d use this time to write, and later edit my novel. Sometimes, I didn’t have the energy or I’d really need a break from the computer since I work online all day.
In those days, I allowed myself to rest, listen to music, or catch up with friends on the phone. Those moments of silence would often bring new ideas for the story to my mind. Never underestimate the power of the pickup line. I always look forward to this “free hour” of personal time.
Finding my community.
I joined Facebook groups for self-publishing and romance writers. I learned tools to self-publish easily, connected with like-minded and supportive women, and even grew my social media following a little. I’m so grateful for these online platforms because they saved me hours of online research and problem-solving when I couldn’t figure out an issue with a self-publishing tool or website. It’s also so nice to be connected to other women who have similar goals, help them with book blurbs or questions they may have, and cheer them on as they release their books.
If you are in a phase of life where creating time for your hobbies and accomplishing personal goals seems impossible, I am here to gently encourage you to just go for it. You can make the time, even if in little bits and pieces. Even if it takes a year. Every hour you put in takes you one step closer to turning your dream into reality.
The name of my novel is The Comeback Tour. I chose this title because my main female character, Cailin, reclaims her life after she loses her job and gets divorced in her 20s. Her love interest, Jax, is the boy band “bad boy” who is on a mission to redeem himself as a womanizer, and show he’s a true artist who can write hit songs and play guitar on his first solo tour. But it’s my comeback story, too.
You can find yourself again and have your own comeback moment. You just have to take that first step toward the spotlight and you’ll shine.
