When a member of your friend group becomes a parent, it can be difficult to adjust to the dynamic. The new parent has a whole new set of priorities and challenges but also wants to maintain friendships. One friend group of young 20-something women found themselves in this situation.
The group was childless except for one member. These childless women decided to go on vacation without their mom friend. When she confronted them about it, one friend told her the hard truth of not wanting her baby to come with them. Now, this honest friend wonders if she was wrong for doing so.
Let's get down to it.
The honest childless friend begins her story. “One of my (F24) friends, Anna (F24) had a baby around 6 months back,” she explains to the Reddit community. “Our friendgroup is otherwise childless. All of us used to hang out a lot before the baby was born. Baby changed dynamics because Anna wanted to bring the baby everywhere with her and its a baby. We tried to plan things around baby to include Anna but it always ended up badly. We shouldn't drink, cause Anna can't drink. We shouldn't be loud cause baby needs to sleep. Iceing on the cake is her baby is extremely fussy and cries all the time. It was just a downer for rest of us. So we started hanging out without Anna and her baby.”
It's time for a vacation.
This all came to a head when the group went on a vacation without Anna. “Last weekend all of us went on a staycation,” the friend continues. “We had a great time and posted photos and videos on instagram. Anna saw these and called me to ask why I did not ask her to come with. I tried telling her it was a last minute plan and we could only find a childfree resort so as to not hurt her feelings. She called my bluff sending me pics some random family had posted with kids at the resort.”
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Sometimes, the truth hurts.
Anna would not leave well enough alone. “She kept forcing me and I told her we did not want to hang out with her baby,” the friend explains. "She asked how can I say that about her baby. I asked her to leave it at that but she wouldn't. I finally told her its a baby and we are all young. We don't want to live our life around a baby she chose to have. That we get to do adult stuff and party all we wanted. Her baby is the only reason she wasn't invited. If she left baby at home she can come too."
It's a friend group divided.
Anna did not take this well. “She got pissed off at me and called me a AH,” the honest friend continues. “She also sent a text in group chat saying she is disappointed in all of us for excluding her just because she is a mom.” Now the honest friend is not sure she did the right thing. "Half of our friendgroup thinks I should not have told her the real reason and is mad at me. Other half thinks she is unreasonable," she concluded adding a request for Reddit to weigh in.
Babies change things.
The majority of the forum is on the honest friend’s side. The hard truth of the situation is when you become a parent, things change. You cannot do all the things you used to.
Maybe it's time for new friends.
“You tried to let her down easy, and she kept on asking,” one user wrote. “Her life is different, and she probably just needs to find a different set of friends, one that more closely aligns with her interests.”
Other users agree.
“Here’s the cold hard truth a baby changes your life,” agrees another user. “The things you used to do you can no longer do. Your friend misses her pre-baby life which is why she wants to be included in all of your hangouts. While this may be cool some of the time it is not cool all the time.”
Here are some tips.
One user offers some useful advice. “I was the friend who had a baby when no one else did," she noted. "You know what I did when I hung out with my friends? Left the baby at home with dad. You know what I didn't do? Demand everyone adjust their behavior to my baby's needs. She had the baby, not you. Her entitlement is astounding.”
Who knows what the future will bring.
The honest friend can breathe easier knowing she told the truth. What her mom friend decides to do with that information is entirely up to her. Hopefully they can navigate this transitional time in their friendship and come out on the other side even closer.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
