Many parents give their kids allowances for doing chores around the house, especially as their kids get older. The practice can be a great way to introduce kids to so many concepts that are tied with money: earning, spending, saving, and so on.
One mom recently shared on Reddit that she's started giving her 10-year-old an allowance because his dad, her husband, is unemployed. But she recently found out that her husband is stealing the money, and now she doesn't want to give it at all.
The mom pinpoints the problem immediately.
After sharing that she just started giving her 10-year-old an allowance so he could buy his own things, the mom shares a startling revelation:
"The problem is that I discovered by accident that my husband has been taking the money from our son to buy his own stuff like cigarette or a drink. He'd approach our son whenever he has money and tell him he'll buy him what he wants but ends up spending the money on something else, something for him not our son."
She's not always home when it happens.
"Our son obviously can not drive by himself and buy his own stuff so my husband offers to buy stuff for him using of course his allowance," she explains. "I'm a nurse working long shifts most of the time so I'm not always home."
This has been going on for two months.
"Everytime our son wants something my husband would be like 'Hey bud, you want few bags of doritos for you and the other kids?" the woman says. "I'll stop by supermarket and get them for you then. That would be $$$' then our son gives him the money but never recieves his doritos. Rinse and repeat. This went on for 2 months til my son told me."
Her husband said it should be considered 'gas money.'
"Turns out my husband asked not to tell mommy because she'd get mad at him and he'll be in trouble and promised to get him his stuf but he never does. I had a big fight with my husband about it. He said it wasn't big deal since he always end up getting our son the stuff he want 99% of the time. He told me to consider this as 'gas money' since he drives xxx of kilometers to the supermarket to buy what our son wants."
Now she's taking the allowance away.
"I shamed him for taking advantage of our son and taking the money that was meant for him and said he was acting like a thief but worse when stealing from his own son. I then said I won't be handing our son any allowance anymore and my husband said I was overreacting and punishing our son for no reason."
She's trying to take control of the situation.
"I said I'll handle our son's needs from now on but he argued that I can't when I'm busy working all the time," the woman explains. "I said it was none of his business and walked out the room. He kept negging me saying my son will resent me if I stop handing him money but I refused to engage anyfurther in the argument and the guilt tripping. He keeps calling me heartless and financially controlling to take away the allowance."
People say this is a huge violation of trust.
One commenter said: "I think your problem is way deeper than the allowance issue. What your husband is doing is a real breach of trust."
They think the dad's real worries lie elsewhere.
"[The original poster's (OP's)] husband isn’t worried about the son being resentful or OP being 'controlling' with money, he’s upset his cash cow isn’t available to him anymore," another commenter said. "Besides, if he’s so worried about his son being 'resentful' maybe he should, you know, stop stealing money from a ten year old child?"
They're also commenting on her marriage as a whole.
One person posed a serious question: "I understand that this post is just a snapshot of your relationship but is this honestly the marriage you want, is this the role model you want for your son?"
He might even be gaslighting his wife.
"Your husband sounds like an absolute treat," said another commenter. "He steals from your son, then gaslights him and you, all because he doesn’t want to get a job? Then says that your son will resent YOU for not giving him his allowance in cash? Nope. Nope. Nope."
Ultimately, her husband never should have gone down this road.
"Children should never be asked to keep a secret from a parent. 'Don't tell other parent,' is always wrong."
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