Did you find yourself cringing at the idea of Thanksgiving this year?
Be honest. It's OK if you did.
Over the past few years, most people celebrated the holidays with only their immediate household. As a result, the holidays sound all that much more daunting this year to those of us who find family ties to be some of the most complicated.
The saving grace of many adults who don't want to talk politics or public health this holiday season is Friendsgiving. Year after year, we're seeing more people carve out time for their chosen family during the holidays.
The term 'Friendsgiving' didn't come to be until 2007.
The term "Friendsgiving" was first used in 2007 but got a boost after it was used in a Bailey's Irish Cream ad in 2011. Merriam-Webster added it to the dictionary in 2020, cementing the practice as legitimate.
Friendsgiving started taking off in 2013.
By 2019, more than half a million people had Friendsgiving plans. And it wasn't just for a reason to socialize. The trend is showing that more and more people are taking time to show gratitude for and spend time with their friends.
There are a lot of different reasons why people are embracing their friends at this time of year.
There are a lot of factors at play for how the shift toward Friendsgiving — or Festivus, Friendsmukkah, or whatever you call your friend gathering. Many students and young adults who have moved from home to other parts of the country or world find it easier (and cheaper) to celebrate with friends than travel home.
Found family can be more understanding than biological ties.
One of the big reasons people are spending the holidays with friends is because they are chosen family. With differences between generations and, therefore, family members more tense than ever, many find that sticking with their found tribe is the best way to get through the holidays.
More people are putting their health first.
Whether it's a difference in handling public health or a purely mental-health-based decision, if you had to opt out of a family gathering to protect yourself, you're not alone. As people start to explore mental health care more, many have realized that an intense all-family holiday is not always the best thing for them.
For a lot of people, time with friends during the holidays is an extra.
Not everyone who celebrates holidays with friends is doing so because they won't be spending time with their families. Many have an additional holiday celebration, somewhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and invite their chosen family to participate in things like tree decorating, secret Santas, candle lighting, etc.
At the heart of these celebrations is gratitude for the people who are there for you that don't have to be.
Realistically, you can celebrate your friends at any time of year. In fact, we should probably carve out more time to celebrate them. But celebrating friends in the season of gratitude really says a lot more about what friendships are to people today.
The idea of choice, of being there for and caring for somebody without being bogged down in obligations and formalities is so, so important. We live in what feels like such a selfish and isolating time in the world. Being able to show up for someone when you don't have to is really significant and, in today's friendships, a true marker of care.
With new celebrations come new traditions.
Aside from showing your friends how grateful you are for them, spending time with friends over the holidays is also about doing things on your terms. There can be tradition, and you can truly make it your own. You can decide that everyone wears sweatpants to the holiday party or that you can only listen to '90s love ballads while cooking. The more you make the holiday your own, the more you can unapologetically — and ideally, stresslessly — enjoy it.
This may seem cheesy, but it's actually important.
Chosen family holiday time is, for many groups, the celebration they wish they could have with their family. It's comfortable, relaxed, and joyful. It can feature an eight-course meal or just appetizers and desserts. However you decide to do your Friendsgiving, make sure to take a moment to really reflect on what it's all about.
