Every relationship comes with its own rules and inner workings that make sense to the couple and keep things afloat. You might not even know how the workings of your relationship stack up against the norm if you don't talk about those sorts of things with other people.
One woman decided to share a recent issue in her relationship with Reddit, hoping for guidance. Instead, commenters warned her that she's in a financially abusive relationship.
The woman asked Redditors if she really ruined her husband's Christmas by not getting him the top item on his wish list, an Xbox. As she'd come to learn, it's what he was expecting despite giving her no wiggle room to actually make such a thing happen.
The original poster (OP) began by explaining her situation.
"My (F29) husband (M33) is the breadwinner and I'm a SAHM. We used to both work but due to medical problems I couldn't keep working," she explained.
"As a result I don't have what they call fun money or money to spend however I want. My husband gives me money only to spend on the house or the kids but that's that."
That didn't sound entirely unusual, although maybe a little stringent, until OP mentioned this detail.
"I might borrow money here and there or try to figure something out if I needed essential stuff like hygiene products," she shared. This immediately registered as a red flag to many Redditors reading her post.
OP's husband gave her $600 for Christmas, which sounds generous until you hear the rules around it.
"This Christmas my husband gave me $600 dollars as my Christmas gift. I freaked out thinking I now have to get him a decent gift to match his," she shared.
"So I went shopping and got him the most affordable thing on his wish-list which was a $180 dollar pair of sneakers with his favorite color I didn't show him the gift until we visited his parents house for Christmas and when it was time for gift opening he opened the gift, saw the sneakers and looked extremely extremely upset like he was about to blow up."
OP's husband didn't show a shred of appreciation.
"I asked what's up and he asked why 'in the blue hell' I decided to 'waste money' and get him sneakers aka: the cheapest gift on his wishlist," she revealed.
"I said it's all I could afford and he literally lashed out and said '[expletive] I gave you $600 dollars that's about the right price for a new gaming console and it was right there at the top of my wishlist!'"
And yes, he said all of that in front of his whole family.
"It was so, so awkward I felt so horrible I wanted to disappear. But I apologized and said I was sorry but I had other stuff I needed to buy and money wasn't enough," OP shared.
"He took it as in I was blaming him for not giving me enough money and picked an argument with me about how wasteful and financially irresponsible I am otherwise I wouldn't be struggling with money for long."
OP stood up for herself and said how he was framing the situation was unfair.
"I disagreed and said I don't have a salary due to medical issues not being irresponsible. Also told him he could get the gaming console himself since he has money but he got all dramatic and ranted about how he wouldn't because then he'll be judged for getting anything for himself," she continued.
"His parents tried to get involved but he straight-up told me how disappointed he was and said that I ruined his Christmas then went upstairs and avoided talking to me til we got back and the whole argument restarted."
OP's husband squarely blamed her for ruining Christmas.
"He kept repeating that he was disappointed and that I ruined Christmas for him saying 'good job screwing up' even after I pointed out how rude it was of him to react like that in front of his parents," she said.
"He's wanting an apology [at the moment] and still upset about what I did."
Commenters let OP know that the way she's living is not OK.
Commenters did not hold back in explaining to OP how awful her husband is.
"Your husband is abusing you. This is literally financial abuse. You deserve money to spend on yourself, doesn't matter if you don't make a salary; you still do work keeping house," one commenter wrote.
"Not only that, but yelling at you like that at all, but especially in front of people is also abusive. PLEASE look into getting disability or unemployment and get AWAY from him!!!"
A loving relationship isn't one where you have to borrow money for hygiene products.
"You either need some serious marriage counseling or a divorce," a person in a similar relationship warned.
"You are supposed to be a team. You are not. My wife doesn't work, guess who doesn't need to beg borrow and steal for basic hygiene supplies? We are a team. My money is here money and her money is my money. She is a stay at home mom, by her own choice. If she wanted to work, cool, lets figure it out, TOGETHER."
Commenters urged OP to think of her kids and make a plan to get out.
Many commenters pointed out how dangerous it was for their children to witness this dynamic.
"You need to leave him, he's abusing you. Your kids are going to grow up thinking it's okay to treat people that way and that it's normal to be treated that way. Imagine one of your kids were in your situation," one commenter posed.
"You can get alimony and child support, you can get disability or a stay at home job. However, you absolutely cannot stay in your marriage."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
