Learning to correctly pronounce someone's name is one way to show that you love and respect that person, especially if that person is really close to you. In fact, there are plenty of people who deliberately mispronounce someone's name to show how they really feel about that person, which is a pretty gross thing to do. It's extra gross if you're doing this to someone in your family.
One 16-year-old shared on Reddit that his grandmother has always refused to learn to say his name correctly. He writes that he's biracial, and his grandmother is white.
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"This has going on since forever so decided to do something," he began. "I'm (16m) half Mexican from my dad’s side and my mom's side is Scottish. Ngl [not gonna lie] most of my mom's family is high key racist and it's been problems sometimes growing up. My grandma on my mom's side never liked my dad and was happy after they divorced when I was 7."
He shares his name, and notes that he's really proud of it:
"My name's Emiliano and my grandma always complained how hard she tried to change my parent's minds and it's a shame I got stuck with it. I'm actually proud of it. My dad told me about the revolutionary I was named after and their history."
But unfortunately, his grandmother has refused to really acknowledge his name his entire life:
"But literally my entire life my grandma refuses to say it. She says it's 'too many syllables' (i got a cousin named Alexandria and they say the whole name) and always came up with her own names. She says Leo or once tried to get everyone to call me 'Elliot' as a nickname for a while. Obvious my mom's family was for it but my dad refused that cause it's not my name."
"It's always the same thing when I see them. She'll call me Leo or whatever. Even when I correct her she says it's not a big deal and keeps calling [me] wrong name. I told my mom I don't like it but she always say I'm just not gonna change her mind and no point in fighting it.
“So I decided if she not gonna wanna call me by my actual name I’m not gonna call her grandma or say her right name. It’s stupid I know but it’s bothering me more that she don’t care and all my other cousins she says their names fine, no nicknames.”
He took direct action … and he's definitely getting a response:
"Her name is Susan so I decided to call her Sandy.
“Tbh I was scared to say it but that look on her face was worth it. It wasn’t [a] surprise Pikachu face but it was close. She said that is not how I address her and it’s ‘grandma’. I told her nah I’mma call her sandy from now until she says my actual name.”
Now both his mom and his grandmother are really mad. Instead of apologizing, he decided to ask Reddit what they think:
"It got awkward. My mom was serious and my gma got super red in the face. She started ranting about me being a [expletive] disrespectful child and this is all my dad influencing me again. My mom told me I need to apologize immediately but idk what gave me the balls to not do it. We ended up leaving their house early and my mom didn't talk to me until we got home.
“She say what I did was outta line and I don’t disrespect my elders ever. She wants me to apologize and I’m grounded until I do. Haven’t talked to my dad yet about this since it just happened but I wanted to ask if it was being an [expletive] or was it okay for this situation to ‘insult my grandmother’?”
People were happy to confirm that, indeed, his grandmother is the problem here.
"Adults and the elderly don't like it when they're given a dose of their own medicine," one commenter said. "NTA Emiliano is not a difficult name to pronounce and your grandmother's not respecting you when she's always mispronouncing it, so why should you respect her? It's a two-way street, and you don't owe her respect just because she's your grandmother. Good on you for sticking up for yourself and calling attention to her BS."
Others suggested that he take his tactics up a notch and really go after her.
"If grandma goes by Susan, you could call her Abuelita Sue, Abueluta Suzanne, Abuelita Susie, Abuelita Susie Q, anything but Abuelita Susan," said another commenter. "(In my experience, if your name is Susan you are called by one variation only – Susan or Sue or Susie – but never more than one. Unless you are me and don't care that you are called by all three names)."
One commenter pointed out that his grandmother has had nearly two decades to learn to say his name, and she's chosen not to. She's the problem:
"She has had 16 years to learn your beautiful name and it's not that she can't. It's a choice.
“Sometimes your self-respect will seem an affront to others. That’s their problem.”
Some people also called out his mom for allowing this to go on for so long:
"Your mother is weak, and an enabler, for allowing this to continue; she should have shut this down when you were a child. I'd make it clear to her, if she was my mother, that I would have nothing to do with my grandma until this is corrected. You deserve to not have your name disrespected."
While there is absolutely no shame or fault in accidentally mispronouncing someone's name, it's quite different to do it on purpose. As Rosie Leizrowice writes on Medium, "Quite often, people do it on purpose. They bastardize the syllables in a mocking way or parody it. They say 'whatever' when I correct them or refer to me as 'Rosie whatever-your-name-is.' People with tricky first names often get landed with unwanted nicknames or abbreviations or learn to answer to mangled versions."
She also adds that names really matter, and deliberately mispronouncing someone's name is a pretty cruel act:
"When someone refuses to even try to get it right it is a gesture of disregard and disinterest in our humanity. When they do, it sends an important signal. There's a reason names often have such a deep significance in mythology and folklore."
That's really what people are responding to on this Reddit thread as well. If Emiliano's grandmother can't love her grandson enough to pronounce his name correctly, he doesn't owe her respect.
"Adults/Elders who don't respect kids reasonable wishes are entitled and rude. Also maybe add Miss/Mrs. to the front of 'Sandy's' name to be less rude and show you are the bigger person. "
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
