Pregnancy can be tough because it causes so many changes in a person's body. For example, some foods and drinks become impossible to enjoy because their smell is too overwhelming, or it can be tough to want to do fun things because you feel run down.
One woman recently shared on Reddit that her sister-in-law is pregnant and it feels like she's making unreasonable demands on the rest of the family as a result … but commenters aren't sure what to think.
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The woman recently hosted Thanksgiving.
"I (33f) hosted thanksgiving this year; every year it rotates between me, my sister and my brother’s homes," the woman begins. "It’s a pretty big gathering that normally involves my siblings, their partners, my sister’s kids and our parents.
"This year, my brother James (35m) and his wife Becky (31f) are having their first child. The baby is due in spring."
Her sister-in-law had ... requests.
"We have a traditional thanksgiving meal, watch the parade, play games as a family, couple drinks together in the evening, the usual stuff. Same kind of thing every year," the original poster (OP) continues.
"This year a couple weeks back, I get what is basically a list of demands from Becky in our family group chat. She wants to come, but her pregnancy means some things 'need to be adjusted'. Her rules were no poultry as the smell makes her sick, no alcohol as the smell makes her sick and she can’t join in, the food needs to be served early as she needs to nap during the time it’s normally served, and she doesn’t want to play the games as she tires easily so can we just listen to music/talk in the evening instead."
The woman didn't like it.
"I was really upset by this. Firstly none of us are vegetarian and so I don’t really know how to prepare a turkey alternative but secondly I’d already ordered the turkey and it seems like a waste. And to not be able to drink, eat when we want to or even play our games in the evening just feels so unreasonable when 9 of us won’t get to celebrate in the way we’d like to."
So she offered a compromise.
"In the family chat I replied and said while I would make her a non-poultry meal and would make sure people don’t drink at the table, I wouldn’t ban poultry or alcohol from the house and I certainly wouldn’t be not playing our games," OP explains. "Particularly as my niece and nephew are now old enough to join in and really loved it last year."
Her sister-in-law and brother stayed home.
"Both James and Becky said I was being unreasonable and that she’s pregnant so I need to be more understanding. My mom joined in and said it’s not hard to accommodate but I was really annoyed by this point. I told Becky she was uninvited if she can’t accept any compromise whatsoever. James called me separately to say I’m excluding her and ruining their thanksgiving and she can’t help how she feels during pregnancy. I said I wasn’t excluding her and she’s welcome if she can accept that thanksgiving has to work for everyone else too.
"In the end neither Becky or James came over. It was a weird day without them and I’m sad they weren’t there but I feel like I wasn’t unreasonable."
People are mostly on her side.
One commenter wrote, "If Becky wants a Thanksgiving organized exactly to specifications that are the exact opposite of yours, James or one of the other people insisting she needs to get whatever she wants because she’s pregnant can organize it for her."
They also can't imagine how the scenario would really play out.
"Parenting is (or should be) about those sacrifices – but for a first pregnancy it generally feels like the woman gets (or expects) all of that consideration and sometimes more," another commenter said.
"I'm annoyed at the audacity to demand a family celebrate Thanksgiving with no turkey or alcohol. Just stay home and enjoy a quiet Thanksgiving if you can't be around those things. And I'm saying that as someone who doesn't drink or like turkey."
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