The holiday season is joyous but stressful, especially when co-parenting kids with an absentee ex. One dad had enough and finally put his foot down. He refused to wrap presents for his kid from his ex.
This man’s ex has not seen her son in person in over a year. She barely remembers their weekly FaceTime calls. The dad is over her bad behavior so put his foot down with the presents. He doubted his decision so took to Reddit’s popular AITA forum to see if he was in the clear.
It's time for some backstory.
This dad breaks down the situation. He is 26 years old and shares a 6-year-old son named Ollie with his ex, Caitlyn, 26. “Caitlyn has not been actively involved in the past 4 years, by her choosing,” he explained. “I have sole custody. By court order, Caitlyn is supposed to pay child support. I have to harass her for it every month, threatening to go to court until she pays. I am doing it all on my own otherwise. The day to day care. Doctor’s appointments. Dance, soccer, school. Nursing every fever, soothing every nightmare. And I truly don’t mind. I love my little boy. It doesn’t change that it can be exhausting and emotionally draining. I have asked Caitlyn to help more but she says she has no interest. I finally gave up.”
Co-parenting isn't easy.
Even though the dad gave up, that doesn’t mean dealing with Caitlyn has been easy. She has unrealistic expectations for him. “She gets mad if I don’t initiate the court ordered weekly FaceTime call when according to the court, she’s the one who has to call,” he explained. “Same if I don’t have my son call her, even on Ollie’s birthday. She just can’t be bothered. I finally stopped doing all of that because it’s not my job. And half the time when I call, she doesn’t answer.”
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The son figured it out.
The dad helped Caitlyn out until his son unintentionally called him out for it. “If she does send a gift, she tells-not asks-me to wrap it, put her name on it and buy a card,” he went on to say. “I did in the beginning until this past birthday. Ollie is learning how to read and asked why his mom’s card looked the same as mine. I just said that I was helping his mom out. But that made me realize how much labor I was doing for Caitlyn.”
Unwrapped presents were sent.
Caitlyn decided to give Ollie Christmas gifts this year and like always she asked her ex to wrap them. “I told her she could do that,” he recalled. “She pointed out I was already wrapping gifts. I asked if she was wrapping gifts for her boyfriend, family, etc. She said yes but I could do this for her. I told her no, put some effort in and just wrap them as well as write a card herself or at least just put a gift tag. But if she doesn’t, I’ll just give them to Ollie as is on Christmas morning and say they’re from mommy. I don’t think he’ll care that they’re unwrapped. He’ll be happy just to get what he wanted.”
Guess what? Caitlyn sent them unwrapped. She even sent a text reminding the dad to wrap them. He stood his ground with her but was wavering on his decision. He asked for Reddit’s feedback.
The dad shouldn't do labor for his ex.
Reddit users are unanimously on the dad’s side. They believe he is a wonderful father and that wrapping the presents sets a bad precedent.
“Don't wrap them, so that by the time he's old enough to find her lack of care or your deception hurtful, he'll be accustomed to the practice,” advised one user. “Dad puts stuff from him under the tree Christmas Eve, Santa's stuff arrives in the night, Grandma's presents come with fancy ribbons and paper in the mail but sometimes a little late, Mum's stuff is usually just in a walmart bag, whatever.”
Leave them in the box.
One user thinks the dad should leave them in the original shipping boxes.
“If you leave them in the postal packaging, isn't that a form of unwrapping for your child?” the person asked. “Not pretty ofc but serves to hide what's inside under the tree.”
Don't cover for her.
Many on the site believe the dad should be honest with his son about his mom’s shortcomings. They believe he shouldn’t bad mouth her but also shouldn’t cover for her. This will help Ollie not be disappointed when he is older.
“You wouldn’t be a bad Dad for not covering for her ever again,” the user stated. “She’s made her choices and she should be accepting of whatever consequences may come. Ollie loves you and he has you to care for him. Don’t placate him with a false narrative of a Mom who wraps his gifts and send sweets cards when that’s not the true version of his Mom.”
This dad can rest easy.
At the end of the day, this dad cares about doing the right thing by his son. That’s really all that matters. Reddit users gave him lots of useful advice. Now it’s up to him to decide what is right for his family.
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