It’s not easy being a mom or a preteen. There’s pressure on both sides to be perfect and have an identity of one’s own. It’s perfectly normal for the mother/daughter relationship to be bumpy at times. Jessica Alba experienced this with her daughter Honor.
When Honor was 11, Jessica had had enough of their arguing. She suggested to Honor that they try therapy to have an outsider’s perspective on their relationship. Therapy really helped and Jessica is so glad she and Honor gave it a try. She also invited her other daughter, Haven, to get involved as well.
Jessica spoke to Real Simple magazine about her experiences with family therapy. "Honor was probably 11, and we were arguing all the time about dumb stuff. And I was like, I don’t want to live like this. This is not fun," the 42-year-old mom of three explained.
Jessica felt like she wasn’t getting through to her daughter. "I didn’t want us to have a wedge between us," the actress and businesswoman went on to say. “As her mother, when I say something, she’s going to hear it as an argument or as me trying to control her. I wanted there to be someone who could explain things in a way I couldn’t. What I said to Honor was, 'I want to be a better parent to you, and this is your forum to basically talk about everything that gets on your nerves that I do.'"
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Jessica is so glad Honor agreed to go to therapy with her. It really helped their relationship. "It put me in check,” Jessica shared. “Like, 'Yeah, I totally do that. And I’m sorry. I’m going to work on that.' It gave her a little bit of perspective too — that I’m not the bad guy; I’m just being a parent. She’ll come out the other side of it, and I’ll still be here. I just wanted to get to that point, and it worked."
Both Honor and Jessica learned some valuable life lessons in therapy. Honor learned her mom is just looking out for her and trying to keep her safe. Jessica realized "it's natural for kids to disagree with their parents." She is letting go of being right and rational in the moment but “it’s a process” and she isn’t always perfect.
Jessica shares her story in order to help others. There is still a stigma about it but Jessica believes it is "such a valuable tool to help you process your feelings." She highly recommends it.
"Therapy gets you talking about what’s going on with you and unearths the things that aren’t feeling the best or might be confusing, or things that make you happy," Jessica gushed. "And just unpacking it allows you to process it, and then you can repeat good behavior and find the behaviors you want to redirect."
Jessica shares three children with husband Cash Warren. Honor is now 15, Haven is 12, and Hayes is 6. The family recently celebrated Hayes’ birthday at Disneyland.
