A woman who has been trying to conceive without success shared a horrifying development in her journey in a Reddit post.
In a post to r/TrueOffMyChest, the woman explained that she and her husband had been trying to have a baby for a while. They were exploring other options when they discussed surrogacy. The couple felt they'd be more comfortable with someone they knew being a surrogate. The original poster asked her sister, who agreed.
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As they figured out the logistics and realized the amount of time and money that went into in vitro fertilization, the wheels in OP's husband's head started turning. He proposed they skip the science and do things the old-fashioned way, to the horror of OP and most of the internet.
OP and her husband were thrilled when her sister agreed to be their surrogate.
The couple wasn't entirely prepared for how much time and money the process of surrogacy would take. It's at that point that OP noticed her husband making some odd suggestions.
"My sister agreed to do it but my husband said he looked at how much time and money IVF would take and slowly started hinting that we take the traditional way," she shared.
OP was too horrified by the thought to even acknowledge it.
Still, the suggestion kept coming up, and she couldn't believe what she was experiencing.
"I was too shocked to even say anything but he acted like what he said was not even that big of a deal," she shared.
"He explained that it's just a quick way for us to have a baby and spare the money and time to use later."
OP is not for it, at all.
"I'm 100 percent against it, that is why I'm backing down and am no longer comfortable with this whole surrogacy route," she shared.
"I can't even imagine my sister's reaction once she hears my husband's suggestion."
This whole experience has become emotional for OP on unexpected levels.
"I'm both devastated over the fact that 1, he'd even entertain having sex with my sister just because he wants the easy way and 2, if I ever agree despite feeling unconfortable then I will always carry this memory of how the baby is conceived," she leveled.
"I refused and shut his suggestion down hard."
OP's husband wasn't done fighting for his point yet.
This guy had the nerve to make her feel bad for not entertaining this completely absurd idea.
"He's now started guilting me saying I don't trust him then saying I'm selfish for choosing to back out when he still wants to be a dad, like he expected when he married me," she revealed.
"Basically blaming me for my infertility issues."
OP is completely exhausted by all of this.
On top of how much this has all hurt her already, OP also is considering the discomfort that is her 37-year-old husband wanting to sleep with her 30-year-old sister — OP is 34.
Some commenters pointed out there had to be a middle ground.
Some people understood not wanting to go through a lengthy and expensive process with no guarantees. Still, they felt there were definitely other solutions that OP's husband could have come to before entertaining sleeping with her sister.
Others pointed out other faults in his logic.
"Let's say you agree," one commenter posed.
"What if he doesn't get her pregnant in one go? That means he'd have to sleep with her multiple times. He sounds like a piece of [expletive]."
A lot of people speculated that OP's husband and sister might already be involved.
More than a few people speculated this was a way for OP's husband to get his wife to agree with something he's already doing. The original poster's comments indicate she's not worried about her sister, but some feel she should have pause.
"My sister has no idea, I'm not planning on telling her because I won't let it happen," she said when asked her sister's response.
"I'm not even considering his suggestion and if he wants to keep saying that I'm the problem then it's fine with me. I've endured so much for the past years mentally, physically and emotionally and now I it won't be much different."
A lawyer event commented to warn OP that legally, the child wouldn't be hers.
When one commenter noted that the child would be OP's niece or nephew, a lawyer said the law would see it the same way.
"Lawyer here (not OPs), and legally that would be the case as well," they stated.
"Without an official surrogacy contract the sister can claim the baby as her own and husband can be on the hook for child support. OP will have a hard time proving legal rights to the child. This is a terrible idea all around."
Most commenters agreed that OP should reconsider having a child with this person.
Many commenters, though coming from different perspectives, urged OP to rethink this whole situation. They argued that not only should she reconsider having children with this man, but being married to him altogether.
"Issues in the marriage need to be fixed before you have kids. Putting aside the creepiness issue, I'm more concerned about the selfishness inherent in his position and his lack of empathy, concern, and understanding for just how complicated this would be emotionally for you," one commenter noted.
"You get to have a veto. You've done nothing wrong. Good luck."
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