A man took to Reddit's relationship advice forum to seek advice in an unfavorable predicament. The 32-year-old explained how his wife divorced him in 2022 because of a "personality change" that caused "extremely erratic and bizarre" behavior.
But the man recently got clarity on what was causing the changes, and turns out he had a brain tumor this entire time that was misdiagnosed as bipolar and schizoaffective disorder. “Not sure what to do next," he wrote.
He went on to question if he should reach out to his ex-wife and let her know his diagnosis, but noted that she'd made it clear she didn't want to hear from him again because of his past behavior. “I was devastated, but I couldn't blame her,” he said. “She was my best friend … I was extremely close to her whole family as well. I was her brother's best man at his wedding.”
“But then the troubles started," he continued. "My mental health took a steep decline. My behaviour was extremely erratic and bizarre — when we were in public I often thought I was being followed. One time I became convinced listening devices had been implanted in our home. I thought the police, or government agencies, were after me and monitoring my devices. My wife finally dragged me to the emergency room after one of these incidents, and I ended up getting diagnosed as having a psychotic break, with bipolar and schizoaffective disorder.”
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"My wife stood by me through it all," he said. "But even on treatment, I continued my strange behaviour and thought patterns. There was lying and substance abuse. Previously, I'd only ever drank socially and occasionally smoked weed. It was all very out of character for me — I'd always been a very stable person. But I seemed to be spiraling."
It wasn't long before his wife told him she wanted a divorce. Her brother eventually cut him off, too, along with mutual friends of the former couple. "I couldn't blame anybody. I think additional lies and misbehaviors had come to light so I was a pariah. I sank pretty low, lost multiple jobs, and barely scraped by.”
Fast forward to recently, the man ended up discovering the brain tumor after collapsing. “When the doctor heard my history he immediately ordered an MRI,” he said. “Lo and behold, I have a brain tumor. The funny thing is, when I found out, I was… relieved? Finally it all made sense. Apparently it's not unheard of for such a thing to be misdiagnosed as bipolar. The doctors say it's probably been growing slowly for a long time, and explains my strange and out of character behaviour. Thankfully they think it's treatable and with surgery, I stand to make a good recovery.”
He went on to question if he should let his ex-wife know. "I want to try to reach out to my ex wife and her brother. But maybe they've moved on with their lives, and I shouldn't try to reinsert myself. I've done enough damage as it is," he wrote. "They don't seem to want to have any contact with me. But I also feel like they should know. They may have blocked my number and email, but I do still gave some mutual friends I could reach out through. For all I know, my wife is in another relationship and I shouldn't reopen those wounds. But if the roles were reversed, I'd want her to let me know."
Reddit users took to the comments to weigh in with their advice.
"If I were your ex, I would want to know," one person wrote. "It doesn’t mean that she’ll want to have any kind of relationship with you, but on the off chance she still has feelings, that information would allow me to make some important decisions moving forward."
"I would let them know through mutual friends," another person advised. "Write a short email. Label it : finally got the right diagnosis. Express your gratitude for their support then explain why nothing worked. Let them know the next steps for your recovery and then let it go. They supported you for a long time and will likely be surprised and relieved and host a whole spectrum of feelings. I would want to know if I was them. No idea if they will want to touch base with you but opening the door can't hurt."
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