Family can be a very complicated situation, especially as you create one of your own. There are many situations that can arise that make you feel like you have to choose between the family you were born into and the one you created.
One man has found himself in a tough situation as such when asked for help by his younger brother. The original poster (OP) took to Reddit for some guidance on the matter.
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OP explained that his younger brother lost his college fund after coming out to his family. OP still had money from his own college fund, set up by the siblings' grandparents. His brother asked for financial help to go to school, but OP has hesitations, which make him feel like he's in a lose-lose situation.
OP and his parents are supportive of his brother's decision to come out, but it's not a feeling that the whole family shared:
"My brother (18M) recently came out as gay and my grandparents, who are homophobic af like they don't even hide it, didn't take it well. My parents obviously support him coming out but my grandparents have cut him off financially."
OP goes on to explain why the financial cutoff is so significant. "See for all of us, my grandparents set aside separate college funds over the years," he explained.
"We don't necessarily have to use it for school which was my case. I (27M) had a son during my second year of college so I decided to get into an apprenticeship program instead and use that money for baby expenses and to save up for him."
OP is happy to be in a good place in his life, but he's still cautious. "My girlfriend and I are managing well working full time. We don't touch that money at all unless it's for him," he shared.
"Also in case there's like a medical emergency or we don't have the money to care for him, and a little something for him to use for himself once he's older."
Here is where things get complicated. "My brother knows I still have this money and he's asking me to help invest in his future since it was always a given that our grandparents would pay for his college," OP explained.
"Our parents are well off financially so he wouldn't receive much in terms of financial aid, but they don't want to cover for college tuition because he's 'an adult now.' My sister already graduated and used what was left over of the money to put a down payment on a house."
The pressure of being his only hope is weighing heavily on OP, but he's having trouble agreeing to the arrangement. "I'm really his only option and he's desperate," he said.
"Because I'm refusing my brother is calling me a traitor and it's not fair for him to be cut off like this just because he's gay. And I agree."
"Nobody's happy with my grandparents but we're using this money for our son," he explained.
"He said he needs it now and I'm being completely selfish keeping this money to myself. My sister agrees with him and that life's been hard enough on him already because of this so the least I can do as his brother is help him get an education."
OP wanted to know whether he was wrong for having so many hesitations.
Some people feel this is totally not OP's problem to solve. They commend him for feeling responsible but believe his only responsibility is to his partner and child.
"Your grandparents caused this. It's not on YOU to fix it," one commenter noted.
"Honestly your parents are the ones who should be fixing this here, the whole 'you're an adult so suck it up' position is BS. Also, your sister is having an easy time spending your money, hmm? Maybe offer to split it. Sure she may have to sell her house and move, but that's her problem."
A few people suggested that OP advocate on his brother's behalf to the family, but he explained his relationships with the family are not great to begin with. The family won't budge, and there's not much he feels he can do. With that, many people hoped that at minimum, OP would help his brother explore his options as far as scholarships and grants.
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