I very clearly remember the many conversations I had in elementary school surrounding my future occupation. It seems strange to think about it — back then, being an astronaut or a pop singer didn't seem like an outlandish reality. Nobody knew that the majority of us would have office jobs that required a lot of explaining, and that few would actually become firemen and circus performers. But one job that frequently got mentioned was "mom."
Some kids know from a very young age that they want to be parents. I didn't. In third grade, my goal was being "animator for Disney," and I assumed this role would mean that I'd live in Disney World and draw cartoons all day by myself. My parental instincts didn't kick in until much later. I was actually in my 30s when I realized this was, without a doubt, the right path.
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The whole experience was life-changing for plenty of reasons. Not only did I take on the most important role I'd ever have, but my attitude about everything changed. I'm still myself, but just a softer version. Here are eight things that unexpectedly changed for good after my daughter was born.
1. 'Mom jeans' made sense.
I'm embarrassed to admit that I once laughed over my own mom's "mom jeans." It kind of turned me off of high-rise pants for a long time. But after pregnancy, I realized that the only thing I cared about was comfort. I was over the days of low-rise, especially since I don't have a low-rise body. As a mom, I had so many other things to fill my day that uncomfortable clothes simply had to go.
It's funny, since I remember telling my husband (who thankfully hasn't thrown this quote back in my face) that I wanted to be a "stylish mom," and "not a mom who gives up." The truth is, at every job, the uniform needs to match the job requirements. You need clothes that you feel good in that'll also be really easy to clean when it comes to spit-up and baby vomit.
2. My confidence grew.
Listen — if you can give birth to a baby, you can do anything. The concept of pregnancy is ridiculous, and quite honestly, I'm still amazed that I grew a life. Women are amazing and incredible, and giving birth is just proof of that.
For most of my life, I've had trouble giving myself credit for things I've done. Usually, I sweep them under the rug. As the youngest in the family, a lot of my accomplishments never seemed like big deals, since they were already done by my siblings. I carried that attitude with me for a long time, and it messed with my self-esteem.
But every time I look at my daughter, who's literally my favorite person on Earth, I'm reminded that "I did that." My body formed this wonderful person. There's no greater feeling in the world, and it's made me realize how much I'm actually capable of.
3. My view of the world has changed a little bit.
Kindness has always been big for me. Like a lot of girls growing up, I was bullied a bit. It's a scar that's never actually gone away, but it got better once I realized that it's always best to surround yourself with positive people who like you for who you are. (If you're reading this and haven't found those people just yet, trust me — you will. And things will get so much easier.)
Now, with my own child, I believe in kindness above all else. It's important for me to show my daughter that everyone matters. Empathy is important, and it's something she's managed to pick up.
Behind every person is a parent or grandparent who loves them. My daughter has reminded me to keep the positivity going, no matter what. She may face her own bullies, but hopefully she'll have the tools to handle it.
4. I've stopped spending so much time on hair and makeup.
Before having a child, I was big into heat-styling my hair. I always wanted to look camera-ready, or at least not embarrassed when someone took my photo. But that's all changed. I still care about appearance, but it's literally the last thing on my mind in the mornings. Instead of spending 10 minutes on makeup, a few swipes of mascara will get me through. If I forget, no big deal.
Sure, it's more common to be a little more vain in your 20s. But kids are a reminder that it's not that important. They'll love you even if you haven't showered all day. They see the true beauty on the inside, and it's put everything into perspective.
5. Going to bed early is somewhat fun.
I am very much a night person. But having a kid made me appreciate how refreshing it is to go to bed earlier. So that's what I always aim for. Even just hanging in bed in my PJs and scrolling on my phone can be a joy.
Back in my 20s, sometimes I didn't go out to hang with friends until 10 p.m. My, how the tables have turned. My daughter helped me keep normal human hours, as now I have something very important to wake up to in the mornings — her.
6. I've become much more punctual.
Back in college, I wasn't known for being on time. It was never anything huge, but my internal clock was always around 5 to 10 minutes past everyone else. It was never something I was proud of, but I never really thought twice.
Now I'm much different. I'm actually early to appointments, and I've factored in my daughter as well. Kids can be tough to get out of the house, but having one helped me reset my internal clock. I want to make sure she's on time for playdates and pediatric appointments. And I want to show other parents and professionals that I value their time. While late days may happen, it's nice not having a reputation anymore. (By the way, apologies for anyone who had to wait up for me back in the day. I promise I've changed!)
7. I've realized that I'm less depressed.
I'm not going to sugarcoat it — I was really depressed in my 20s. After graduating college, I could find only entry-level jobs that led to no level of advancement, and most of them were problematic for some reason or another. Let's just say, I had my fair share of abusive bosses. I was a hard worker, but mentally drained. Getting out of bed most days was difficult. I don't talk about it too much, but it's part of who I am.
I'm not saying that everyone should have a child to cure their depression or change their view of life. For some people, it might make things worse. But having a kid around helped remind me that there's a big world out there. It was hard not adopting her innocent perspective on everything. And it was tough not taking in her joy when it came to the everyday little things that I took for granted. As she's grown up, she's become quite funny and sweet, and she's the perfect pal to help turn around a bad day. That — plus therapy and self-care — have made me happier than I've been in years. Twenty-year-old me would be quite impressed that things got better.
8. I've realized the true importance of using my voice.
Back when I was in my 20s, I wasn't super politically involved. I knew I was a Democrat, but I didn't tune in as much when it came to politics. After having a child, that changed up in an odd way. Not only did I realize how much the government's decisions could impact my daughter's life, but I realized that shying away from important topics didn't serve anyone any good.
Speaking out is also important in everyday life. As a mom, I need to make decisions that are best for my family. Sitting on the sidelines trying to avoid hurting anyone's feelings was typically my go-to method in my 20s. Now I've found my voice. I'm not afraid to communicate with others, yet still make sure to do it in a way that showcases understanding and empathy.
Healthy communication is one of the most important things to master, and it'll help you better advocate for yourself and others. My daughter depends on me to speak up, and I want to serve as a good example. As a young woman herself, I never want her to be too afraid to use her voice.
