Sometimes when we end with a relationship with significant other with whom we’ve had a child, things can get awkward and strained. But what happens when you’re a single mother trying hard to raise your child on your own and your troubled ex-partner wants to come back into the picture to potentially share some devastating news with your kid? Do you believe your ex and let the chips fall where they may or do you take a step back and truly examine the situation for the sake of your child?
A frustrated mom in Reddit’s AITA forum spoke out about their absent ex-partner with whom she’s had one child who is now 14 years old. The mom explains that she has always left the door open for her child’s father to visit and have a relationship with them, but over the years, it has dwindled to basically no contact due to little action and effort on his part.
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The original poster claims that she did her best to remain neutral with her ex for her child’s sake.
The original poster notes that even though she has had sole custody of their child for several years, she did her best to “never create any barriers” or “[paint]” her child’s father as a bad guy, even when he would randomly show up a few times per year asking for “cigarettes or money.”
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The OP claims that she never “spoke ill” of her ex to her child nor did she ever ask for child support from him, but now that the child is a teenager, she realizes that “they don’t know their dad on any real level.”
After a move across the country, the OP’s child went on a trip to stay with family and the ex-partner popped up with some news.
After the OP and her child moved across the country, the ex was made aware of this move, but didn’t fight it. Afterwards, she sent her child back home to stay with her sister for a two-week summer vacation. It’s described that during that time, her ex showed up at her mother’s house and told her that he had a “terminal brain injury” and was dying and wanted to share that with their child.
At that point, OP's mom contacted her to fill her in, because she was on the other side of the country, and the OP notes that she was “enraged” and felt “so disgusted” that her ex wanted to have this “potentially fabricated tragic moment with his estranged kid” to “make himself feel important.”
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She told him that she thought he was “lying about his death for attention” and that if he reached out to their child with this information, “he would be cut off and blocked from all contact” with her family. Was this way too harsh or even her decision to make?
The final verdict is that the OP may have been too harsh, but was basically in the right.
In an update on the original post, the OP explains that her ex’s girlfriend was going to virtually send her some medical paperwork to confirm his current health issues. She went on to say that if she saw legitimate paperwork from a doctor, she would then divulge this information to her child and they could decide whether or not they wanted to see their father.
A fair portion of the individuals commenting on the original post supported the mom’s decision to question her ex, especially regarding his previous behavior and estrangement from their child. One commenter asked, “What if he is telling the truth about his health?”
It makes sense to ask for proof and then decide how to move forward for the sake of the child and how they might feel down the line if they never got a chance to speak to their father before his death.
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