After Erika Kirk and Vice President JD Vance’s awkward hug went viral, people could not stop talking about their relationship. In spite of the rumors about them, Erika has said that both JD and his wife, Second Lady Usha Vance, were there to support her after her late husband, Charlie Kirk, was killed in September 2025.
And in a new essay published in The New York Times, Erika largely focused on the advice she received from Usha. Usha shared the advice with her shortly after Charlie’s death, but it has stuck with her over the past year.
Erika shared the powerful piece of advice Usha gave her.
She recalled speaking to Usha just after Charlie’s death. “I don’t know how I’m going to do this,” she remembered saying to her. Usha reportedly reached for Erika’s hand and said, “You know when you’re on an airplane with your kids, and you’re going to land in 15 minutes, but the kids are going crazy, screaming, throwing things, and then the plane lands, and the kids relax, and everything is fine again?”
Usha then added, “That’s how it will be. Just get through the next 15 minutes.”
She reflected on how this piece of advice has helped her navigate different stages of grief.
In her essay, she wrote that what Usha said to her that day is “seared into (her) heart.” During various difficult moments, like going into their shared bathroom that still had Charlie’s towel hanging up and stepping into their bedroom for the first time after his death, Erika reminded herself to “just get through the next 15 minutes.”
The advice continued to help her as she navigated multiple significant milestones without him for the first time, like their wedding anniversary, their children’s birthdays, and holidays.
“Grief is strange,” she wrote. “Time continues even when every part of you wants it to pause or, better yet, rewind. But the people we love who have passed on would not want us to spend the rest of our lives trying to rewind. At first, I needed to survive the next 15 minutes. Over time, I’ve realized that Charlie would want me to live them.”
She wrapped up her essay by thinking back to that initial piece of advice from her “dear friend” Usha.
There’s been a significant amount of speculation about Erika’s grief. While many can agree that everyone grieves differently, a lot of the rhetoric online has made it clear that some people are skeptical of Erika. There was a lot of talk about how she continued to attend events and make public appearances in the aftermath of Charlie’s death. JD has spoken out against the rumors about Erika, saying that she “doesn’t deserve the attacks that have been leveled against her.”
He also said it was “very frustrating” that Erika “has suffered not just the loss of Charlie, but all this B.S. that’s directed at her.”
In her essay, Erika seemed to address her critics, in a way. She wrote about how she can miss her husband and also try to live her life at the same time. “I can miss him with every part of me and still laugh with our children,” she wrote. “I can have a broken heart and still experience joy.”
At the end of the piece, she shared advice with others navigating grief—and that advice came from Usha.
“If you are living through grief, I won’t tell you what to feel or that tomorrow will be better than today,” she added. “I will tell you what a dear friend told me: Just get through the next 15 minutes.”
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