Weddings are stressful events that can bring out the worst in people. It is no easy feat to plan an event that reflects you as a couple and appeases two extended families. Sometimes while going through this process it can be valuable to get an outsider's perspective. One bride did just that on Reddit’s popular forum “Am I the [expletive]?”
This bride’s wedding has been delayed because of the pandemic. She now wants her fiancé to change his best man because his original choice has transitioned to a woman. While the bride herself is OK with this, she believes her conservative family will have an issue.
Here’s the 411.
The bride breaks the situation down for the forum. "My fiance, Kevin(M28) and I(F30) had initially planned to get married a few years ago but due to the fact that the world was falling apart we postponed it until things calmed down and our family felt safer at a big event," she begins. "We've now set a date for this coming August and as we get closer more and more thoughts keep coming to me about how it should go. My biggest issue is that Kevin's best man is no longer his best man and is now his best woman."
The saga continues.
"Kevin and Amy(MTF26) have been friends for a little over a decade and when they first met up until two years ago when our wedding was supposed to happen Amy identified as a man," the original poster (OP) continues. "Kevin and Amy have always had a very close almost sibling like relationship, Kevin had been kicked out by his mom at 17 and met Amy at work shortly after. She's been very close with him and he's told me multiple times that she is the closest thing he has to any family."
The bride's family is conservative.
The bride claims she is fine with Amy but worries about her family. "Initially Amy had planned to not come out to Kevin until after the wedding but after finding out that the wedding was going to be delayed she came out to him," OP explains. "Without consulting me Kevin told her that he was fine with all of that and that if she was at a stage were she'd like to wear a dress when our wedding happened that he would find her a dress that matched the colors he had for his groomsmen. Amy has been medically transitioning for about a year or less now and Kevin told me that we need to find her a dress. I don't have a problem with Amy and I understand how close she is to Kevin but our wedding is largely for my very traditional family."
Which leads to the question ...
"Kevin has often said that this wedding isn't that important to him and that the only reason he's doing it is because it's important to me and my family. I know that my family would have a lot of issue with Amy which Im sure would bring a lot of unwanted or outright rude attention towards her. For this reason I've asked my fiance to choose someone else to be his best man and request that Amy attend as just a guest. This has lead to a large fight between the two of us with Kevin threatening to cancel the wedding if Amy can't be part of the wedding party because he wants someone from his family in it. Im trying to get him to understand the issues this will cause but I'm not sure he gets it," the bride concludes.
After telling her story, she asked the internet to weigh in and give their opinions about the situation.
The internet is on the groom's side.
Reddit users are pretty much on the same page in this scenario. They all believe the bride is in the wrong. She should not try to accommodate her family’s bigoted beliefs.
One commenter breaks it down.
"This is incredibly transphobic! Amy is his best friend and when your fiancé chooses her as his best man, you have to respect that, and so does your family. Your family is the problem, not Amy. And you should hold your fiancé‘s back and support his decision if you want your relationship to last," the commenter writes.
Others chime in.
Another user completely agrees and adds, “This – a thousand times over. Your families views are the problem. And that you're more worried about them than your future husband's decision. This is a MARRIAGE, not a one-day wedding.”
Some helpful advice ...
Some commenters believe that Kevin might want to reconsider this marriage. “I hope this is the wake-up call that Kevin needs to call off this engagement. I don't think this is the kind of family he wants to marry into. How very telling that OP's only concerned with appeasing her bigoted family, and demands Kevin exclude the single most important person in his life,” writes a commenter.
Pretty much no one is on the bride's side.
Another commenter's advice is a little spicier. “You know the difference between a transphobe and someone who caters to transphobes? Nothing,” they write. “This wedding should not take place. You’re not trying to marry your fiancé, you’re trying to put on a show for your family.”
The consensus of the forum is that the bride is completely and utterly wrong.
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