Mom Accuses Childfree Friend Of Being Selfish For Not Helping Raise Her Kids

The childfree friend took to Reddit to try to understand her friend’s reaction and see if she was in the wrong. She explained her friend has a baby and a toddler.

“She constantly bemoans the fact that 'the village' doesn't exist anymore and people aren't helping her and her partner wit their baby the way they used to in past generations and how selfish it is and how terrible this is society now,” the childfree friend stated. “She's really bitter her mother won't retire and babysit the kids for free, but her mother is only in her mid 50s and can't afford to retire yet. She constantly complains she can't travel or enjoy her life anymore because she doesn't have a village.”

The childfree woman tried to take this all in stride but finally reached her breaking point. “After years of this, I told her I'm actually really glad we have moved away from that because 'the village' that parents romanticise was actually the unpaid labor of women, and as a woman who doesn't want a child, I'm glad that I'm no longer considered socially obligated to babysit other people's kids for free or do household chores for people who chose to have kids in my free time, especially because these people won't pay it forward to me in any way, and if something happened to me, like getting really sick and needing help, they'd use their kids as a reason they can't help me. I also reminded her that 'the village' depended on women not having jobs and it is a good thing that women can now sustain themselves and aren't forced into dependency on their fathers or husbands,” she explained.

This incident did not come out of nowhere. “The thing that triggered it was that I went overseas recently for a holiday and to attend a concert of an artist I really like and she complained about how she doesn't get to to these things because 'the village' is off doing things like that,” the childfree woman explained. “She said I'm just a really selfish childfree person who wants mothers to 'suffer', but I don't think I was wrong, and then she said I was a bad feminist and a terrible person and hasn't spoken to me since.” The childfree woman concludes by asking if she was wrong.

The childfree woman does not have to lose any sleep over this incident. Reddit users are on her side.

“NTA I'm sick of modern parents crying about the 'village', when they really mean unpaid babysitters so they can go out,” wrote one user.

“So many things from caring for the sick/disabled, community projects, to helping raise children was unpaid women's labour's that relied on us not being able to work,” chimed in another in agreement. “Yes, it's unfair now that women are expected to work and raise children unless the men are doing an equal share. But in this case it just sounds like your friend wasn't ready for the responsibility of a child.”

There was some dissent on the forum, though. One user disagrees with both women’s definition of a village.

“Men were and are an extremely important part of the village,” the commenter wrote. "In fact, I believe one reason why the village collapsed is due to men abrogating much of that duty. But when the village persists, men are very much an active part of it. What it does mean is that I will never go through life alone. A village means you will always have help when you need it — and you are expected to give it in return.”

As hard as it is to realize, perhaps this childfree woman and her friend are just at different stages in life. It may be time for them to reevaluate their friendship. Sometimes friends grow apart.