For a lot of members of the LBGTQ community, coming out to their parents is a really nerve-wracking experience. For every child who is lovingly embraced by their mom and dad, there's a child who definitely isn't. And even after you have a conversation with your parents, it seems that some parents might just … forget about it. One man has taken to the internet to express his dismay and confusion after his dad apparently just found out he's gay, despite the fact that he's had a boyfriend for 10 years.
The man explained on Reddit that he came out to his mom when he was 14, to mixed results:
"My mom was distraught and my dad didn't seem to care. My mom was mad at me for over 2 months, but eventually came to terms with it. Though she does make passive aggressive remarks saying she can't wait for me to marry a girl and whatever, she still asks about my bf from time to time and she's still amicable towards me so it's all good."
But as for his dad? He says, "we… don't talk often."
However, the man says that he has definitely made a point to come out to his dad, too. Or, at least, he believed he had — twice. But despite that, his dad doesn't seem to get it, or to want to.
"He often makes comments on what traits are attractive in a girl, what kind of girl to marry, etc etc. When I was 15, I told my dad in a sort of awkward way 'dad I'm dating Mike, he's been my boyfriend for 2 years' and he seemed to just brush it off and continued to talk about girls and well I didn't correct him going forward."
Now he and Mike are getting ready to take a major step: marriage.
"Last night, I told my mom me and Mike would be moving in together and were probably gonna get married soon (we're 23/23). I know it seems a bit early but we've been dating each other for like 10 years now and well, we still like each other so that's probably a good sign."
Unfortunately, his parents are still not fully on board.
"My mom was extremely upset as although she still supported me, she still hoped that 'I'd change my mind and marry a girl' but again, she's not aggressively harsh towards me and we're still on good terms so it's not a big deal. My dad however… apparently just found out I was gay."
And his dad then even accused his son of hiding his sexuality:
"He was extremely upset with me and asked me why I didn't tell him sooner so he could change my mind/prepare for this. I sorta just told him well dad… I did… twice but he apparently had no memory of this. He was furious at me for not giving him time to prepare for the 'loss of his son' and well, I kinda expected this eventually (a lot earlier honestly)."
The man wasn't sure if he inadvertently hid anything from his dad. He added, "I've been comfortable with my sexuality for a long time, and I guess I could've pressed in the fact as over the past 8 or so years, I've sorta been leading my dad on by not correcting him."
He also added, "I took a huge risk by telling my parents I was gay when I was younger (honestly I don't think I could do that again) and I felt so fortunate that my parents didn't disown me and still helped me through college."
He noted that his parents have met Mike, but everyone isn't exactly close:
"They have met my boyfriend, except he was just 'teaching me biology' for a few months when we first started dating before they stopped him from coming over cause they said we were just playing video games. Since then, well they've met like one time during the summer when he picked me up to go somewhere and they wanted to be polite and say hi to my 'friend' but other than that, we've never sat down and formally talked about our relationship."
It's easy to see why he's confused: It sounds like the son feels he's been pretty obvious about his sexuality, but that his parents have chosen to overlook this huge detail in hopes that he would somehow be able to change this fundamental part of himself.
A lot of people who responded to his initial question were super supportive and also noted that his parents have had plenty of time to get used to the facts of their son's sexuality. Many took issue with the idea that the father was "losing" his son:
“His father is not losing a son, the son is losing his father.
“A good father understands and supports his sons / daughters in their lives doing what they most care about (in a positive way).
“He has a boyfriend, I would say you ‘lose a son’ if he commits such big crimes he will be locked up for a long period of time, not because he loves a man.”
People also noted that it's remarkable that the man and his boyfriend have been together for so long.
"I was thinking this! I don't think I've ever committed to anything for 10 years, let alone a person! But I'm probably projecting. It sounds like a great relationship, I'm envious. I'm hoping he's a great support, as your family really need to step up; they're failing you."
And one person raised a great point: There is absolutely no way his parents didn't talk about their son's sexuality with one another.
"Your Father was in denial. He didn't want to hear it, so he didn't. You did tell him. I'm almost positive when she found out your Mother had many long talks with him about it. 'Where did we go wrong?' etc."
It ultimately sounds like even after he told them the truth, both of his parents kept a false version of who their son is in their minds. Hopefully, they will embrace their actual son and remain part of the life he builds with Mike.
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