Cultivating Joy Takes Work. Here’s A Practical Guide To Sowing Seeds Of Holiday Cheer

Since childhood, we’ve been conditioned to perceive the holidays as a time of recompense for our good behavior throughout the year. We deserve to be full of cheer and sparkle because this year has been nuts — which is what we tend to say every year, but this one has been particularly bonkers. The problem is that this time of year can also accelerate anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.

Many years ago, my family lost two loved ones around the holidays. Those losses left our hearts deeply wounded, and now the holidays are forever tied to their remembrance. One year, I lost my job two weeks before Christmas, and another year I fell into a deep depression brought on by difficulty conceiving. As for this holiday season, many of us won’t be able to celebrate with our family and friends, and some are experiencing economic hardship that feels insurmountable. Life tends to get in the way of happiness. In doing so, it compels us to work harder at cultivating joy.

What does it mean to cultivate joy? It means you have to tend to it like a farmer in cute overalls. You have to kneel down and get up in there with earthworms and slugs like a gardener. I’m running out of metaphors, but I’m sure you understand what I mean. This holiday season may challenge you in ways you haven’t imagined yet. But you can still set yourself up to find small pockets of cheer no matter what comes at you. It just takes a bit of planning.

Any good project begins with a plan. Start planning by first defining your “joy” objective this season. Joy and good cheer look differently for everyone, so the project scope will vary. If this time of year makes you feel lonely, exhausted, underappreciated, or impatient, consider what takes you there. You’ll want to sprinkle a few extra crumbs of holiday cheer near those irksome catalysts.

Now define how your joy takes shape. Does it involve connecting with family and friends more, or disconnecting for a few moments in the day? Does it include giving a little more or taking on less? The key is to keep it simple and manage your expectations. We’re talking about dropping crumbs of holiday joy, not building a fruitcake fortress.

I’m exceedingly forgetful, and I once worked with a manager who noticed this fault in me. He would always tell me to plan for the things I tend to forget, saying, “Your future self will thank you.” Since then, I attend to the things I have a habit of forgetting, and I set up small reminders for myself to complete these tasks. But more importantly, I remind myself of the little things that bring me cheer, because these small things are easily forgotten as well. I love chocolate with hazelnuts, so I put little golden nuggets in my coat pockets and backpack. Then sometimes, when I’m rummaging for a pen or change, I find my little chocolate, and my future self thanks me for putting it there.

In this next step of joy cultivation, identify what makes you feel lighter and ways you can line yourself up for jolly encounters throughout the season. Maybe your future self would thank you if you bought exotic coffee that you pour into your thermos to drink while you’re on the way to the nightshift. Future you may appreciate that you scheduled a date night with your partner, or planned a day out in nature alone. Future you may even appreciate little nuggets of chocolate hidden near your makeshift home office. The key is to plant and plan for small things you look forward to and savor.

Centering your well-being and allowing your heart to smile a bit more isn’t selfish — it’s an act of self-love. Like the farmer and the gardener, tend to your joy this holiday season. Cultivate simple, cheerful habits that carry your joy forward throughout the year, crumb by little crumb.