If you're a parent of a kid of the opposite sex, you can sometimes run into sticky situations, especially as your kid ages. One huge example is that moms often have qualms about taking their sons into the women's restroom with them once their sons hit a certain age, and the same is true of dads of daughters. Recently, one dad found himself in exactly this situation, and it didn't go really well.
The dad was out with his wife and their two kids (one son, one daughter) at a theme park. Their daughter needed to use the restroom, and the mom was with their son at a ride. The dad shrugged and decided to take her into the men's restroom with him. He says that he's used to getting looks from other parents when he's out with his daughter:
“As a Dad, I’m used to getting weird looks whenever I’m alone with our daughter. My wife doesn’t understand it herself, but if I’m taking my daughter to the park and I’m watching and talking to her while she’s playing and I’m sitting on the bench, other women would start gathering in groups and start giving me sidelong glances. I try to ignore them but God forbid any of the other children start talking to me, then they’re ushered away ASAP while the mothers stare cautiously at me like I’ll suddenly start 100-m dashing towards them and their child.”
But being used to something doesn't make it easy to deal with. He explained that while they were in line:
“This wasn’t the first time I got dirty looks from women in the other line, so it was just business as usual. I kept chatting with my daughter as she continued to bubble about all the sounds, colors, and ‘giant animal people.'”
Apparently, one of the women decided that something was going on that needed to be addressed. Instead of asking the dad or the little girl, she decided to get a park employee to do it for her:
“One of the women in line flagged down an employee by literally grabbing her arm, and after their ‘group’ talked to her for a while, the employee walked up to me and asked how I was doing, and how I was enjoying the park.
“Then she crouched down and asked my daughter directly if she was enjoying the park…
“and where her mother was.”
Oof.
Unfortunately, it got worse — and a lot more confrontational:
“My daughter, being shy of strangers (rightly so), just nodded. I had to stand there and take the fact that these people were low-key accusing me of kidnapping my own daughter. The employee looked at me and I told her that my wife was with my son. She awkwardly nodded, told me to enjoy ourselves, and walked away.
“Unfortunately, one of the women in the other line loudly said ‘THAT’S IT!? Not even going to ask for ID?’ The irony was that she was also with her daughter so I pointed at her daughter and shot back ‘Then where’s your ID?’ She had no answer for that.”
The dad made a great point: There's no rule out there that says women are inherently safer for children to be with than men. Moms and women kidnap children all the time, too.
The dad said:
“I continued ‘Is that your daughter? Can I ask for ID to prove that?’ I gestured at the park employee. ‘How about I ask a staff member to come up and question your daughter directly on where her father is?’ I stared hard at the employee after saying that and she looked away in embarrassment and walked away. Not even an apology, she just walks off.”
This is a problem that I have definitely heard my husband and our male friends who are dads mention more than once. It seems that some people will always cast a male who is out with a child under suspicion. Interestingly, in our experience, it seems that it's especially suspect for some if a dad is out with only one child. When we were foster parents, my husband never ran into this if he had all three kids. But just one? Oy.
The dad continued his story:
“The women were aghast like how could I ever question that their children were theirs! OH THE HORROR! My daughter started to tear up and start keening so I let it go and picked her up to reassure her. The rest of the time I could sense them staring daggers at my back but I just ignored them so my daughter wouldn’t get upset if I started raising my voice again.”
Also, it turns out that his wife was kind of on their side:
“After recently bringing this up again when I got dirty looks at the supermarket, my wife straight-up told me I’m an [expletive] for trying to make a big deal about this and that she thought I was an [expletive] for making a big scene at the park.”
So the dad asked Reddit: Was he in the wrong? And, unsurprisingly, people had many, many thoughts on the topic. Many people were emphatically on the dad's side. One person wrote:
“God, can’t a parent take his kid to the bathroom? If it was a woman taking a boy to the woman’s room there’d be no issue.”
In my experience, this is true. I never had any issues taking my son to the restroom with me when he was younger. Even now, I’ll stay close to the men’s room door when he’s in there, and no one bothers me about it.
Another person said that it makes sense that the dad ran into this, because in their experience, moms do:
“I go to a communal pool semi-frequently and every other month I have to tell some creepy mom to leave the men’s showers, which they do but only after complaining how they can’t use the women’s showers with their little sons. I genuinely thought these cross-sex differences also applied to the other side.”
And again, this is a great point. Actually going into the showers is kind of … a situation.
One woman commented that her dad did this, too:
“When I was younger, my Dad used to take me into the men’s or disabled toilets all the time so that he could make sure I was safe. I’ve never thought it was weird and once I was old enough, he’d encourage me to go by myself into the women’s while waiting outside. People were and still are horrible to him because he looks ‘dangerous’ when all he was doing was keeping me safe.”
Another questioned what the woman was thinking in the context — that being a super-public space at a theme park. The commenter also said the dad should be prepared for this to happen again:
“Did she really think a man with a small girl would just hang out in a bathroom line? A line for a bathroom full of people?
“On a side note, be prepared to be looked at any time you are out with your daughter. Women see men with a cute little daughter and it’s like their ovaries wake up and start to scream. You wit. Get away from it, so just keep on with your bad dad self.”
And finally, someone made the best point: Dads are people, they are parents, and they can be out with their kids, too. Dads exist!
“Dads can be dads in public. Calling out her absurdity by asking her the same questions was appropriate. Your experience is your own; your wife should respect that.”
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