It's not uncommon for members of one family to have a whole spectrum of personal and political beliefs. Our values and beliefs are generally formed based on what we experience in our nuclear families and then what we experience once we head out into the world as individuals, which means that those beliefs can grow, expand, and change over time. For example, one mom recently shared with Reddit that she and her wealthy mother-in-law have decidedly different values … to the point that she let her 14-year-old daughter wear an "Eat the Rich" T-shirt to her grandmother's home.
The woman starts off by explaining that she and her husband come from different socioeconomic backgrounds.
"My husband grew up very privileged," she wrote. "He made some bad decisions in regards to dropping out of school, so he did not end up with a cushy job working for his father, like he had always envisioned. MIL coddled him for a while, but they had a falling out over me and she cut all funding off (as was her right) so we are barely middle class, and our kids live in a very different world from their grandparents."
She also says that her mother-in-law isn't close to their daughter, even though she showed an interest early in the girl's life.
"MIL has never been close to my daughter. She was ecstatic when she found out i was having a girl, and made all of these plans to dress her up and spoil her, but my daughter wasn't into it and MIL lost all interest."
It's probably not surprising to many that the two families have decidedly different values. This is typically fine, since they don't spend a lot of time together, but tensions recently boiled over in a big way.
"My daughter is 14 and has recently gotten into social justice and activism. she is what FIL would call a socialist, and now even more of the black sheep of the family. We don't spend much time with them, so it really isn't an issue, but yesterday we went over for MIL's birthday and my daughter was wearing her eat the rich shirt."
The woman says her husband thought their daughter should change, but she felt like the shirt was fine. And at first, it seemed like her mother-in-law did, too.
"My husband thought she should change, but I didn't think it was a big [deal]. MIL made a face when we got there, but she didn't say anything."
But then … a cousin stepped in.
"My 13 year old niece was the one who had to comment and say it was 'disrespectful' and 'trashy' FIL told her not to worry, because now she should know she is getting all of the money when they die."
The grandmother then had something to say:
"MIL randomly said, halfway through dinner, that it's sad I allow her granddaughter to be disrespectful and it is my fault they aren't closer. My daughter tried to defend herself and MIL said 'no, the adults are talking.'"
The family ended up leaving, but the mom wasn't finished defending her daughter:
"We left shortly after that and I texted MIL that I'm not going to let her disrespect my daughter. She replied that it is sad that I've let my daughter 'become so stupid' and that I don't encourage her to have a relationship with her grandparents. Now my husband is mad at me and saying it is all my fault."
It's pretty disheartening that the grandmother would speak about her own granddaughter that way, but people on Reddit had pretty mixed reactions to the story as a whole.
One person noted that thinking what she wants and knowing her own mind will only serve the woman's daughter: "Encourage your daughter's free thinking; it'll benefit her in this world more than any money ever will."
Others didn't disagree, but did feel that wearing an intentionally divisive shirt to the grandmother's birthday meal was disrespectful:
"It is rude to wear something to someone's birthday that you know is literally about them. It's not like mil is racist or anything, the problem is she's just rich? After the fact she made underhanded comments but the daughter could've literally just stayed home. Why even show up and then wear something offensive to the persons home… on their birthday? I'm weirded out no one thinks that is wrong.. you can think as freely as you want. That wasn't the problem here."
The commenter definitely makes a great point. The birthday celebration was about the woman's mother-in-law, not her financial status. It's hard to pretend that the woman didn't know what could happen if she let her daughter wear the shirt.
Another commenter echoed this thought: "Yes be a free thinker, but coming in hot with a rude message? You can have socialist belief and you can express them politely in conversation, yes.
“That shirt’s intention was to poke the bear the second they walked in. That’s rude when you’re invited to what I’m sure was a well thought out party. Just don’t go if you can’t be cordial.”
In this particular situation, it may actually be true that everyone is kind of at fault, except the child. Another commenter said that for them, all the adults at the event made the situation worse than it had to be:
"You for letting your daughter wear that shirt, whose caption could easily be misconstrued as an indirect attack by her AND you (because you obviously approved that choice) on your in-laws.
“Your MIL for being critical in front of the kids when that could have been communicated in private.
“Your FIL for openly bringing up matters like inheritance in front of children and potentially planting the seeds of a future estrangement between them.
“Your daughter herself is blameless on account of her age.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
