With back-to-school time in session, it’s all fun and games for kids with extroverted personalities or those that thrive when something new is on the horizon. But for kids who are terribly shy or introverted, heading back to school can turn into quite a stress-inducing experience.
As parents, we never like to see our children in any kind of distress, especially when it comes to trying to enjoy life at school and making new friends.
If you find yourself stressing about sending your young one to school without the proper tools to try to facilitate authentic and long-lasting friendships, even if it feels hard for the kid, there are some things you can do to help.
Let’s take a look at some of the ways in which you can help your introverted child feel more comfortable making friends at school.
1. Be sure to tell kids that being themselves always pays off when trying to make friends.
One thing that every child needs to be reminded of before starting school, especially if he's more of an introvert trying to survive in a social setting, is that even if he might feel unsure of himself walking into school, in order to make true friends, he has to show up and just be himself.
This doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t try to push himself in certain areas or not try new things because it doesn’t feel totally comfortable for him. But when he approaches new people and his peers at school, you can advise him to simply take a deep breath and let his inner light shine.
This way, there will be no faking it on his end and he will end up attracting the right kinds of friends who will make him feel comfortable and who are likely easy to connect and converse with.
2. Call the school to find out who's in the class and set up a playdate or two.
It can be unnerving for a shy or introverted child in those few weeks leading up to the first day of school because she starts to wonder who is going to be in her class and if she’ll recognize any friendly faces. As a parent, there is a way you can help combat some of this particular kind of anxiety.
Schools tend to make up their class lists several weeks before school actually starts, so you can always give the school a call and let it know about your child’s situation. At that point, it doesn’t hurt to have the school email you a class list or, if you’re super familiar with your child’s classmates, you can just ask directly if Bonnie or Steven is in her class this year.
Once you’re aware of a few of the names on the class list that you feel pretty good about, you can always call or email a few of the parents to set up a playdate before the first day of school.
It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a casual hangout at your place with one or two other kids of your child’s choosing. This way, the kids can chat and get to know each other a little bit and most importantly, your kid can head into class on the first day and see that she has someone she knows in her class that she can hang out and chat with in a less nerve-racking manner.
3. Have the child watch out for other kids with similar interests.
It’s important to have introverted kids and teenagers still work on their social skills because it’s vital for their education and later in life when they get out into the workforce.
Every kid has a favorite hobby or interest that brings joy. For some kids, it can be getting extra enthusiastic about expressing themselves through arts and crafts, while others just really love playing softball.
You can have your child stay attuned to what it is he enjoys doing, especially when he's at school, and just try to naturally gravitate toward like-minded kids who share those same interests.
For instance, if he enjoys spending his free period in the library borrowing books from his favorite book series, you can have him try to check out which other kids are spending their free time doing this same kind of thing. And whenever he feels comfortable doing so, he can simply strike up a conversation or hang out in the same area, and just see where things go.
In the moment, it’ll likely feel quite organic and they will have a built-in topic for the conversation, which can help things feel less awkward.
4. An introvert usually does well in smaller groups, so remind her to watch out for quality, not quantity.
No matter what grade she's in, your child is likely to come across some kind of group assignment or presentation in a classroom setting. And even if she finds herself feeling troubled about how it will all work out, you can give her a few tips to make it through.
For instance, you can always remind her that she may not feel comfortable in large groups of people or social settings, but there is likely going to be someone there that she clicks with.
Advise her to keep her eyes peeled for those open and warmer individuals who aren’t afraid to take charge in the moment, but also don’t make anyone feel stupid or less than due to differing personalities or comfort levels.
And even if it’s just that one person, just help her to remember that it’s quality over quantity when it comes to making authentic friends who you actually jive with. One or two good people are really all an introvert needs.
