In 2014, Jessica Ayers thought she could not possibly be any happier.
After being married to the love of her life for over 10 years, Jess and her husband Justin welcomed a little boy, named Jax, on June 14, 2014.
But only 3 days later, Jessica's life took a turn she could have never predicted. Just a day after they brought their son home from the hospital, Justin was killed in a freak accident.
A stray bullet shot from their neighbor's house flew into theirs and hit Justin in the back of the head. It all happened in the blink of an eye.
After two years without Justin, raising Jax on her own, Jess has put her grief into words in the form of a powerful essay. Jess's words are raw and emotional as she details the difficulty of moving forward without Justin. Anyone who has experienced loss will feel her words deeply.
[H/T: PopSugar]
Jess penned her beautiful essay as a guest writer for PopSugar.
Jess and Justin met and fell in when she was just 14. She wanted to marry him right then, but they waited until after she had graduated high school.
"As I think back on our love story, a specific song lyric comes to mind: "Each night I ask the stars up above, why must I be a teenager in love?" I would sob, "Why can't we just get married today?" My friends and family (with the exception of my mom) would chuckle at the idea, dismissing us as kids who would grow up and realize it's just the hormones," Jess wrote.
The couple were married for 10 years before they decided to have kids. They explored different paths in life with their music. The co-wrote an album together and performed over that time.
"Then one morning, I woke up and suddenly felt different. I wanted a baby! And Justin agreed," Jess wrote.
Less than a year later, they were welcoming their son Jax into the world. But then only a day after they brought Jax home, Justin died.
"We tend to refer to the next day as "the day the music died." I had a 3-day-old baby and now a dead husband. I was a brand-new mother and now a widow at only 31 years old."
The bullet that killed Justin came from semi-automatic handgun their neighbor had shot off while drunk. The man pleaded to manslaughter and was sentenced to 14 years in prison.
A week after Jax was born, Jess and their family buried Justin. It was then that Jess slipped into her grief and almost let it overcome her.
She'd hidden in the bathroom for hours when her family confronted her with the fact that her son was hungry. Someone was going to the store to get formula for him.
"That was the defining moment when I had to make a choice, life or death. I realized that even though the life I'd worked so hard for was gone, I could try and start a new one. My son needed me to survive, and I needed him."
In the two years since Justin's death, Jess has worked through the pain and learned more about herself than she ever expected. She feared turning back to music, as it reminded her of Justin, but then she realized she needed it to survive.
"The roller coaster of emotions I go through during a live show are endless. However, I choose to face them every night because in the end, the good outweighs the bad."
You can read all of Jess's essay here.
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