I'm a single mom, and I have two kids currently at home with me. They typically have sibling fights from time to time. But now, the way these two bicker, cry, hit, fuss, and incessantly fight with one another all day long without fail makes it sound like I'm babysitting a pack of wild animals — not one little measly brother-and-sister duo.
I wish I were kidding about the noise, but unfortunately, it's the truth. In recent weeks, I've had neighbors text to ask if everything is OK. I've also had them make "OMG" eyes at me from the front porch while witnessing the sibling squabbles and listening to the shrieks. Yes, it's really that (embarrassingly) bad.
My kids are 10 and 5, and I love them dearly. I mean, of course, I love them — they're my kids. But most of the time, they are better separately or, at the very least, with time away from one another. That's just the truth. Being together all the time has proved to be a recipe for disaster. But most of the time, I think it's hurting me more than it's hurting them.
The fighting has gotten rough. It's loud. It's annoying. And about half the time, one of them ends up getting hurt. Usually, they recover in just a few minutes, seem to forget about what happened, and carry on until the next rage-fest. I, on the other hand, find myself deep-breathing each time the horrifying incidents occur. Working through it is another issue entirely. But I know I'm not alone — plenty of parents are working from home with fighting kids. Still, that doesn't make it easy.
Under normal circumstances, I know what to do. I know that one-on-one time with me is important. I always revel in it because I get to chat to them without the sibling fights, even if it's just a short drive to the next one's school after I drop the other one off. I also love doing things with them individually when one of them goes to a friend's house. Especially because I'm the only parent in this house, I really value that one-on-one time with each of my kids, and it's so needed.
Right now, that one-on-one time is pretty nonexistent. And it's not just me who benefits from having space from the tripod that is the three of us. The kids need it, too. They need time to talk to me and ask me things and not have the other one butting in or trying to steal my attention. They need to feel heard. With just one parent in the house all day and two kids to try to listen to, I'm not sure they always feel that at the moment.
They also each have their own friends and their own interests, which is hugely important. They are at very different ages and into different things. My daughter does ballet and makes TikTok videos with her friends. She loves TV shows that aren't all cartoons, Chris Hemsworth, and Harry Potter. Meanwhile, my 5-year-old son loves karate, Pokémon, and playing with his buds — two boys who live a couple of doors down. In the absence of having friends around to play with, they are relying more on one another, which would be great — if it didn't lead to almost constant bickering.
While at different times in their lives, they've been closer and fought less, right now they're simply excruciatingly different people with different needs. It's pretty clear that all of those needs aren't being met at the moment, thus epic blowouts commence.
I'm not saying my kids never fight when there's not a mandated stay-at-home order in place. They do. And I know by now that sibling rivalry is completely and totally normal. Kids aren't always patient with one another because they're still learning. I've been hopefully waiting for the day when they start to get along better. Until recently, I felt like that wasn't too far off. Now I frequently find myself wondering how I will make it through the day with my sanity intact.
As we reach the peak of the global illness, we've reached peak sibling rage, too. And I know I'm not alone when I say that I'm basically losing my mind, but I am. It's nuts around here, but I'm breathing through it.
I know this all won't last. We won't be stuck at home forever. Plus, warmer days on the horizon mean we'll have the opportunity to be outside more, and that always helps tamp down sibling fights immensely. As for now, we're taking it all one day at a time.
The fighting is rough, but I know my kids love each other, even if they don't always show it. And while I totally wish they'd just chill and realize they are making the three of us miserable when they fight, I'm trying to be compassionate and know that they're going through a lot right now, too. I'm not the only one who misses things. They miss their schools and their friends, and when you're a kid, that feels like just about everything.
There is a lot of fighting happening here. There are also moments of sweetness when I catch them being kind to each other or doing an activity together without yelling. I always take a snapshot in my mind for safekeeping, because I know I'll need it to get me through the rest.
