Becoming a parent when you're LGBTQIA+ isn't always easy. It takes a lot of time and effort. In some cases, it takes resources not openly available to everyone.
The children of LGBTQIA parents are so very loved. Their very existence and place in a family can be a testament to just how strong that love is.
More and more celebrities who have had journeys to parenthood outside of the norm have shared what that looks like and how it feels in recent years. Learning about those journeys and what they entail is so important to both those who may have similar journeys and allies advocating for everyone to be able to build the family they love and dream of.
Brandi Carlile
Brandi Carlile opened up about her experience as an LGBTQ parent in an essay for Parents. In it, she remarked how there are no ways that things are "supposed" to go. There's no manual, which can be both freeing and frustrating.
"We did IVF with our first daughter, Evangeline. We harvested my eggs and Cath carried our baby, and it was really complicated and beautiful. It was complicated because I didn't know who I was supposed to be in this equation," she shared.
"I knew I wasn't 'Dad,' but I wasn't pregnant either. Catherine was uncomfortable with all the things that were happening to her body, and the whole concept felt so foreign to us."
Things had changed by the time they had their second child, Elijah, via intrauterine insemination (IUI).
"The way we approach parenting now feels instinctual, even natural. We divide tasks by what feels important to us in the moment, not based on society's expectations of moms and dads," she noted.
"Some days Catherine does school and preps meals. Some days it's me. The parenting roles are really free in this situation. Catherine is just as likely to take the girls on a hike or to stack firewood as she is to gently press and lay out an Easter dress."
Andy Cohen
Andy Cohen is a proud father of two, a life he had once thought wouldn't be possible for him.
"As a gay man, I never thought it was in the cards for me," he told People after the birth of his first child, Benjamin, via surrogate in 2019.
"When I came out to my parents in 1988, my mom said she had to mourn the life that I wasn't going to be able to have. And that life meant getting married and having kids. [At that time] people were dying of AIDS; [that's] what was happening in the gay community."
Even once he did understand that parenthood could be possible for gay men or gay couples, he still questioned whether it would be right for him.
"So all these years later, gay men are raising families and getting married. There were points where I thought that it was too late for me or that I was really focused on my career, and I was having too much fun to think about it," he shared.
"It was still there nagging at me in the back of my head."
Ricky Martin
Ricky Martin also feared he would never get to experience being a dad.
"Many years I dreamt of being a father, and many, many, many times I went through this grieving process of I am gay, I am a closeted gay man, and I’m not going to be able to be a daddy," he told Today of his experience.
"Obviously adoption is an option and it's very beautiful, but unfortunately for gay men it's very difficult to adopt in some countries."
Today, he shares four kids with husband Jwan Yosef.
"I want people to look at me and see a family and say, 'There's nothing wrong with that,'" he told Out.
"It's part of my mission. It's part of my kids' mission as well. My kids ask me about having two daddies and I tell them we are a part of a modern family. This is a beautiful sense of freedom."
Karamo Brown
Karamo Brown learned he had fathered a child in his last heterosexual relationship before coming out, 10 years after the fact.
"I came out at 16 years old as a proud, gay man. My last girlfriend in high school — when I was 15 — became pregnant with my child but did not tell me," he told Parents.
"She moved away, and I never had contact with her again; remember this is before social media. I was confused, sad, angry, and weirdly excited to be a dad, but felt lost nonetheless. We were both kids and don't blame her for the decision she made because the choice was not hers, it was the adults around us."
When he learned his son, Jason, had a half brother, Chris, Karamo dedicated himself to both of them. He became his legal guardian in 2011. Today, they're grown up at 21 and 17.
"When people hear my story, my hope is always that they start to believe that the life they want is possible for them because I am living the life I've always dreamed," Karamo remarked.
"In our country being from immigrant parents, growing up Black in the South, coming out at 16 years old, being a teen parent … you would assume that my life would amount to nothing. And here I stand today. So, if I can do it … you can too!"
Perez Hilton
Perez Hilton is a single dad to Mayte Amor, Mia Alma, and Mario. He shared his experience building his family after welcoming his youngest in an essay for HuffPost.
"All kids are mine genetically. Each was born thanks to the generosity of a different surrogate, using eggs from the same anonymous donor. I used an agency to guide me through the whole process, which can be quite complicated (and expensive)," he explained.
"For my firstborn, Mario, I actually had to have a court-appointed observer interview me and visit my home and present their findings to a judge. I then had to show up in court myself and petition to that judge why my own son should be handed over to me upon birth and me given custody. The process got simpler by baby #2."
"While I don't rule out adoption in the future, for me it was important to have kids with my DNA. My dad passed away when I was 15 and having my children is a way of him living on through them ― literally," he explained of his decision.
"My family is definitely unconventional and that's awesome! I explain to my kids that they’re family is different than others. My mom lives with us and not many families are able to have that opportunity. That difference makes us special and awesome, to me and us. The older my kids get I will continue to be honest with them ― and with more depth."
Neil Patrick Harris
Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka are parents to fraternal twins Harper and Gideon.
"Two eggs, two embryos, one of mine, one of his," they explained of how their surrogate came to have twins, one of each biologically belongs to each of the men. They used an anonymous egg donor but knew their surrogate.
"We really had thought it through financially, emotionally, relationship-wise. We didn’t just accidentally get pregnant," Neil said of bringing their kids into the world.
"These kids come into our world with nothing but love."
Tan France
Tan France and husband Rob welcomed their son, Ismail, via surrogate.
"With the greatest gift/help of the most wonderful surrogate, Rob and I are lucky enough to be on our way to being parents, this Summer. Something we've wanted for SOooo many years," he said when announcing their baby to the world.
"Our hearts are so full right now. I cannot wait to hold this baby, and to show him so much love."
Tan used both an egg donor and a gestational surrogate, both of which the couple put a lot of thought into choosing.
"Surrogacy was the right choice for us. And we wanted to have a donor who we felt was a perfect match for what we wanted our child to be, and what we want for our future and their future," he told People.
"The person that we have carrying our baby is somebody that is wonderful, and we know that she will take care of our baby beautifully. We see it as, kind of, she's a nanny for our baby before our baby is born, and she's incredible."
Chely Wright
Country singer Chely Wright and wife Lauren Blitzer-Wright welcomed twin boys in 2013, just about a year after coming out threatened her career. She kept her pregnancy a little closer to the vest but carried the couple's babies conceived with artificial insemination.
"We learned so much about our own bodies," Lauren said of the experience.
"When gay couples have babies it's logistically a little different than when straight people have babies."
Cat Cora
Celebrity chef Cat Cora and first wife Jennifer had a creative approach to building their family. The two share four kids. Two times, Jennifer was implanted with embryos that belonged to her and Cat, so the two do not know which biologically is the parent of oldest Zoran and youngest Thatcher. Things were different with Caje and Nash.
"The doctor implanted Jennifer and me with each other's eggs," Cat told Working Mother.
"So she gave birth to Caje, but he's my biological child. I carried Nash, but he’s Jennifer's biological child."
"As a same-sex couple, we had to go back and legally adopt them," Cat noted.
"Even though Nash was her biological son, Jennifer had to adopt him. Same with me and Caje … There were lots of papers to file and lots of legal expenses. Hopefully someday same-sex couples won't have to go through all of that."
