There are a lot of pros and cons when evaluating whether or not you should invest in a DNA kit. One pro? It's pretty cool. Testing has gotten so accurate that just a vial of spit can allow scientists to detect whether or not you're susceptible to diabetes or Alzheimer's disease. The cons? You might end up finding out you're distantly related to your spouse.
A woman recently questioned whether or not it was OK for her daughter to marry her cousin. But it's not what you may think.
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"My daughter is planning on getting married very soon," the original poster (OP) wrote. "However, I found out last week upon doing research on our family tree that my daughter's fiancé is her fifth cousin. I initially didn't know how to break this news to her, but I finally did several days ago. My daughter apparently thought that this is perfectly fine, and that she's still going to marry him anyway."
As you may imagine, a big fight followed.
"I told her that I don't approve of this marriage, and that even though I initially agreed to pay for this wedding, I will not be paying for it if she decides to go through with it," she said. "We got into a huge fight, which ended with her telling me that she's cutting me out of her life." No matter what, it seems like her daughter is losing a loved one over this arrangement.
"I honestly don't know what to do," the mother concluded. "I just don't want my daughter to marry her friggin cousin." They may be related, but — as many Redditors pointed out — their connection is nearly nonexistent. "Fifth cousins only share great great great great grandparents and <5% DNA if that," Redditor mylittlepoggie said. "OP is being ridiculous."
Redditor starlaluna could relate to the situation. "My mom is into family research and just found out that my husband is actually like my 8th cousin on her dad's side," she said. "We have been together for like 19 years, my son does not have an extra arm. We're good!"
"If they were to have a baby, it would suffer no ill effects from this," mamahazard said. "It's far enough out of the direct family to not be weird as well." That's one of the most important oddities about gene sharing, and they're definitely in the clear.
But that adds more sadness to this mother's fury. If her daughter ended up having a child with her fifth cousin, would the mom even make a point to see and visit her granddaughter or grandson? Since genetics are bothering her, it's possible she may cut them off completely.
Threatening to withhold money is also a sad reality. Money, altogether, is a tricky subject. Weddings can be very expensive, so if the couple was planning their big event on a particular budget that the OP had agreed upon earlier, this can set them back tremendously.
Redditor togostarman thinks that there are other reasons behind OP wanting her daughter to cancel the wedding. "This is so hilarious honestly and OP is treating it SO seriously. Imagine going up to your daughter, who's about to get married and saying, 'sit down sweetie, I have to tell you something. We all have to be strong here. * deep breath * it turns out Jeffrey is… Well he's * sobs * an extremely distant relation much like the rest of the populace! I'm so sorry to be the one to break this to you.'"
"Obviously mom just hates the fiance and is desperately looking for an out," they continued. That's also quite possible. Maybe something happened that made her believe that her daughter's future husband wasn't "the one," and maybe this was just one big excuse.
But really, the most probable explanation is that the mom saw "cousin" and freaked out. For those who don't know much about genetics or biology, it can seem a little scary. There's also a big fear that the couple may be judged. It's no longer about the love her daughter shares with her future husband but what other family members may say if they find out.
So where do you draw the line? "One of my friends once said the rule of thumb is if someone shows up at the wedding and doesn’t know which side of the aisle to sit on, it’s too close," said user ImNotA_IThink. "Since no one even knew they were related til OP did some heavy research, doubt that is a problem so they’re good."
There's a good chance that many of us might be secretly married to our fifth cousins — and Redditor c_meltdown felt like it was foolish for this mom to put this newfound fact over her daughter's happiness. "You're throwing a hissy fit over someone who was great great great grandpa's brother's kid's kid's kid's kid's kid? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?" they wrote.
"You can't even realistically call them related at that point, unless you are misinterpreting what a 5th cousin is," they continued. "If you look hard enough, everyone is related." And it's true. If you've ever gotten the results yourself, you can see how many distant relatives you have that you've probably literally never heard of before.
Trying to create ultimatums is definitely the wrong thing to do in a situation like this. The mother-daughter bond can be such a strong one, so writing off your child for not going ahead with your demands is damaging. If this man was a great contender prior to finding out information like this, it should be left alone.
All in all, Reddit was pretty clear in saying that this mom was out of her mind. If they were first cousins, mom's thoughts and fears would be a lot more compelling. But if the genetic relationship is so distant, there shouldn't be worry of judgment or genetic mutations should the couple choose to have kids. Hopefully, this mom came to her senses and apologized. It'd be a shame if she missed the wedding over something so small.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
