One mom recently recalled the moment she had to make the toughest decision of her life as a parent. Cassidie Roberts gave birth to her daughter, Aurora Jille’ia Marie, just 23 weeks into the pregnancy. Her baby weighed 15.9 ounces and measured 10.35 inches long when she was born.
“She was incredibly tiny. We nicknamed her jellybean because she was so small,” the 30-year-old mother remembered of her NICU baby in an exclusive interview with People. “She could almost fit in the palm of our hand.”
Aurora had a long fight ahead of her, and her mother and father Dean, were by her side every step of the way.
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The baby was put in the NICU from birth. It was also discovered that she had a rare chromosomal issue, and was missing chromosome 7q36. She suffered many health issues.
“A week after birth, Aurora suffered a grade three brain bleed, and at 1 month old, she underwent heart surgery to repair a hole in her heart,” Cassidie said. “Later on, we found out she also had ventriculomegaly, and despite undergoing eye surgery three times, her eyes weren’t improving.”
Throughout the time that their daughter was in the NICU, Cassidie and Dean did everything they could to support her. They consulted with a nephrologist about testing Aurora for a rare kidney disease, and Cassidie, who was already a certified nursing assistant, made the decision to work as an intellectual disability nurse to better understand the challenges faced by individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities, according to People.
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After nearly six months of being in the NICU, Aurora was preparing to be discharged and go home for the first time since she was born. But Cassidie and Dean were hit with bad news before they could even get their daughter out the door.
Aurora had developed fungal sepsis after her G-tube placement. “I was shocked,” the mother recalled. “‘What do you mean? I’m here for discharge training. She’s supposed to come home in a couple of days.’ The doctor looked at me and said, ‘We’re running labs, but it’s not looking good. As a healthcare professional myself I knew in my heart that we weren’t leaving the hospital with a baby.”
At that moment, Cassidie knew she had to make the hardest decision of her life. She recalls going into the bathroom to be alone for a moment.
“I stood before the mirror. I reassured myself, ‘You’re not being selfish. Moms can feel that way, but not you.’ Gathering resolve, I emerged from the bathroom, clasped the doctor’s hand, and asked, ‘Am I making the right decision?’ Quietly, she replied, ‘What’s your decision?'” she recalled.
“I said, ‘I’ll go in there and tell them it’s okay,'” Cassidie said, speaking of her husband and mother-in-law who were in the hospital room. “‘As her mom, I’m saying it’s okay. We don’t have to continue. I knew she was ready to go.'”
Upon re-entering the room, the look on Cassidie’s face was as loud as words could ever be. “‘I can’t watch her suffer, Dean,'” she told her husband “‘Everyone says I’m strong, that she’s holding on for us. I just don’t want to be selfish.’ Dean looked at his mom and sister, tears streaming. ‘Okay, we’ll do this,’ he said. Turning to a doctor, she asked, ‘Can I hold her until she passes?’ He nodded. So, I held her as she died.”
Cassidie has openly shared her experience on TikTok in order to be a support to other parents who go through similar things. She uses her platform to educate fellow NICU parents, and also started a fundraiser called Jilly Beans Donations, to send comfort boxes to families in need.
“People sometimes hesitate to bring her up, especially because she was a baby,” the mother said of Aurora. “But I encourage everyone to talk about her with me. Yes, it may briefly sadden me, but knowing that you remember her means the world to me. I don’t want her to be forgotten. I hope that our family’s story continues to inspire and make a difference. Our journey, though tragic, was still beautiful. It was a struggle, but it was also filled with moments of grace.”
