Summer barbecues, vacations, and maybe even time off work presented moms with more opportunities to drink alcohol. But now it’s September, recognized as National Recovery Month, and if you find that you’re drinking more than you should, especially as a way to cope with work or home stress, it’s time to evaluate. TheCheckup.com reports that “more than 14 million U.S. adults have an alcohol use disorder and excessive drinking is linked to 95,000 deaths every year. This makes it a leading preventable cause of death in the country.”
Furthermore, according to RTI International, a nonprofit research institute, increases in alcohol consumption observed at the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, including excessive consumption, were sustained through at least November 2020.
Even more alarming, the New York Post reported “moms with young kids increased their booze consumption by nearly 325 percent between the start of the COVID-19 pandemic and the end of [2020].”
Amy Liz Harrison knows what that life is like. She’s been there, through it, and come out the other side.
“I credit 12-step recovery meetings with transforming my life as much as I do motherhood,” writes Harrison in her memoir, Eternally Expecting: A Mom of Eight Gets Sober and Gives Birth to a New Life … Her Own.
Harrison drove drunk with four of her small children in the car. She tells LittleThings, “My pulse raced. My head throbbed. My mouth was dry, my eyes glassy. I remember thinking, ‘You’re OK, you just need to get home.’ Trees and bushes whizzed by in a bouquet of various shades of green. From the back seat I heard the small voices of my four kids, though I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I yelled at them to let me concentrate. I didn’t know why people were staring at me.”
Fortunately, a police officer stopped Harrison. This was the first time she was caught by the police and ended up in jail. After years of using alcohol to fill the voids of what she considers her “failure to thrive” as a mother, play the glamourous part of an airline executive’s wife, and manage feelings of shame and depression, Harrison was forced to learn the hard way to put her sobriety in first class.
Even though her life was perfect on paper, Harrison was constantly overwhelmed and felt horrifically guilty that mothering alone wasn’t enough to fill her deep loneliness. Her roller coaster to sobriety began with blackouts at her husband’s work events, and twists and turns as she took a nose-dive down the stairs while holding her 2-year-old daughter, ending up in the ER.
Things sped up as she ransacked hotel mini-bars and refilled the alcohol bottles with water, overcompensating for her behavior by becoming a “Disneyland-type” mom with no financial boundaries, and even receiving visits from Child Protective Services. She finally got off her wild ride through rehab, AA meetings, step-by-step work with her sponsor, therapy, acupuncture, new sober friends, and embracing a positive mindset.
“I was ruled by my emotions and was the victim of how I felt,” says Harrison. “I believed false narratives, created resentments, and drank to escape. Drinking exacerbated my depression. But I found purpose in my pain. I no longer feel the need to define myself by my perceived failures or successes. I’m living life to its fullest and don’t care what anyone thinks, even if I am the only PTA President in the history of my kids’ school with a mugshot.”
Emily Lynn Paulson, recovery coach, author of Highlight Real: Finding Honesty & Recovery Behind the Filtered Life, and founder of Sober Mom Squad, helps women heal through connection.
“I was the mom everyone wanted to party with,” Paulson tells LittleThings.
“I kept bottle openers stashed throughout my house — in the bathroom, in the laundry room, one was always in my purse — so I could sneak away to drink while my kids ate dinner or played in the backyard. I would post photos of me doing arts and crafts with my kids, but no one could smell the alcohol on my breath or hear the slight slur in my voice. I made so many jokes about using booze to survive motherhood. What does that say to our children about their own worth? That we have to check out to survive them? Now I see the drinking mom culture for what it is: a desperate plea for help.”
A music prodigy, head of her class, and well-liked in school, Paulson decided early that embellishment paved the road to success. As she grew up, she figured out how to make the picture look even better — with a successful husband, five beautiful children, and all the required accoutrements. Then along came social media, where those pictures of the perfect life grew her a following of women who believed that everything about Paulson was blessed and inspiring.
But Highlight Real shows that behind the filtered façade was a reality filled with trauma, addiction, and dysfunctional behavior. From disordered eating to breaking the law and nearly destroying her marriage, Paulson had been running from her own trauma for years. Living a life shot through with more self-destruction than she could track, Paulson knew things had to change when she woke up one morning and realized that she was barely participating in the picture she had so carefully crafted. She has since been celebrating her sobriety and inspiring others.
Paulson launched Sober Mom Squad as a virtual community during the COVID-19 pandemic, hosting weekly free virtual meetings over Zoom to discuss all things motherhood, the trials of suddenly homeschooling, the new dynamics of home life, and doing it all without “mommy juice.”
The website features a quote from Paulson saying, “Back when women were all in the hut together, raising their children side by side, they had the support needed to be the present parents those times required. Today, we are on our own. We stand in the kitchen screaming by ourselves, and we wonder why no one is listening.”
Paulson stresses, “As mothers, we need to connect, share experiences, share expertise, hear stories, and tell our own. We need to know that we are not alone, and we need to feel that we are in a safe environment away from judgment and stigma. Women are inundated with wine memes and spiked seltzer ads, telling them they need to drink in order to survive stressful times and manage their families. We need to show our children that we don’t need wine to survive them.”
To find treatment, help prevent suicide, learn the risk of drugs and more, visit Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).
*Disclaimer: The advice on LittleThings.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
