If you're a mom, chances are you've been told you can't pour from an empty cup. And there's nothing wrong with that saying.
Sometimes when you're logistically looking at everything your week has in store, it seems impossible to make that time for yourself. There's a lot going on, whether you have one kid or 10 of them. Juggling everyone's schedules and interests can be a lot, and in a lot of households mom is still doing most of this work alone.
As a result, self-care is one of many things that doesn't make the cut in a busy week … or the week after that … or the week after that. The lack of "me time" takes its toll on you. It also impacts how you face the issues of any given day. The key to making it all work is slowing down, which sometimes feels like an insurmountable task. Here's how to go about it in a way that allots you self-care time and experiences.
Lose Track of Your Phone More Often
It's unrealistic to ask people to ditch tech altogether, but thinking about your usage and how you can scale back is important to the slowing-down process. When you spend a lot of time on your phone, many times you'll find your thoughts more frenzied and you moving fast between tasks, but without your usual level of attentiveness. Ditching your phone every now and then helps you slow down and be more present, so that whatever you're doing has more of your attention.
Realize What Self-Care Is and Isn't
If you have trouble justifying self-care, it might be because you think of some of the worst examples out there. Self-care isn't justifying bad behavior, like excessive shopping, for example. It is, however, doing something with the intention of replenishing yourself.
As for what you're replenishing, that will depend a lot on what you feel like you're missing. It could be a day out on your own or a few hours of painting. It's a need like any other that shouldn't be ignored. Overindulging isn't great, but neither is depriving yourself.
Schedule Some Time and Stick to It
Implementing something new into your schedule can be chaos, but this is as worthwhile a change as any. Start by picking a short amount of time that you can spend doing what you love (including nothing at all, if that's what you love). Once you get comfortable with that, make adjustments to make it as replenishing a time as possible.
Convince Yourself It Isn't Another Chore
Making time for yourself when you're consumed by the thoughts of every other thing you should be doing can be insanity-inducing. You have to convince yourself that taking this time isn't another necessary chore, another to-do list item. Make it an indulgence. Sleep for an hour in the middle of Tuesday afternoon. Eat your favorite food alone and unbothered, and don't share it with your kids. Really make it something that brings you joy.
Enjoy Mom-ing When You're Doing It
It's easy to go through the motions when everything is chaotic. Make a concerted effort to be present. You'll feel less (or ideally, not) guilty about what you do miss when making time for yourself if you're really there and present the rest of the time.
Start Saying 'No'
Many moms get caught up in not wanting to disappoint their family and friends. As a result, they'll bite off way more than they can chew. Take those smaller bites. Start saying "no" to the things you know you can't realistically handle so that you can enjoy and get more out of what you do say yes to.
Get Help From Your Kids
If your child is old enough to be toddling about, chances are there's something they can be helping you with. Many moms will take on too much of what their kids should be learning to take on themselves. Your goal is to raise responsible, independent kids, among other qualities, so recognize this as working toward that goal.
Account for Things Taking Longer Than They Should
That sounds a little confusing, right? How am I supposed to take into account that things won't go according to plan? In short, by letting go of some of your perfection obsession. Pad your plans with extra time in the event things go astray so you won't be in complete panic mode when that happens.
Commit to One Uninterrupted Time as a Family Each Day
Pick a time each day where you and your kids (and your partner, if you have one) without question are together, giving each other undivided attention. For most families, breakfast or dinner can be that time.
Figure out what works for your family and commit to it. That means not making plans or taking on activities that happen during that time. Be as flexible as you need to be, but make sure your family has one consistent moment of togetherness each day. It will help you feel like you're on the same page and ease some of the worries that many moms face each day.
Make More Time for the Things Everyone Can Agree On
The need for self-care can feel more dire when it feels like every decision you make is a concession to someone else. You're doing something with your spouse, but it's something they primarily enjoy. You're watching something with your kids, but it's something they chose.
When you find more areas where there's common ground and explore them, you're stealing yourself little bits of joy that don't have to take away from anyone else's. That's more of a rolling item of self-care, but it's one that makes a big difference.
