Another Mother's Day is nearly upon us, which means that families around the country have been preparing for a holiday that is generally a sweet and special day. After all, celebrating moms is part of what family is all about, right?
Except that things aren't always that straightforward. While it's some people's favorite day of the year, Mother's Day can be downright complicated for many of us.
Mother's Day is hard when you're not with your children.
While it's one thing for moms not to be able to spend Mother's Day (or other days) with their adult children, it's doubly tough for a mom of younger children to not be able to have time with them that day. In 2021, I didn't get to see my son on Mother's Day, and it felt extra … wrong to not do so.
There are a lot of reasons why a mom might not be able to be with her children who are under 18 years old on Mother's Day, and a whole bunch of them have nothing to do with whether or not she's a good mom. Sometimes this is just how it is, and a mom has to bear that, often doing so under the seemingly constant scrutiny of everyone around them.
Mother's Day is hard when a child has passed away.
Other mothers have lost a child or children, and a day like Mother's Day can be incredibly challenging. The loss of a child is a devastation that no one wants to experience, and mothers and fathers who find a way to carry on after such a horror are among the strongest people in this world. That doesn't make Mother's Day easy, and if you know someone who has lost a child, then Mother's Day might be a good day to send them a little extra love.
Mother's Day is hard when you are estranged from your own mother.
As many of us know, parents and adult children don't always have great relationships throughout their lives. Mother's Day can be hard on people who are estranged from their mothers, even if the reasons for that estrangement are good ones. It's not often easy to make such a tough choice like walking away from your own mother, but sometimes there's nothing else you can do.
Mother's Day is hard when your mom has passed away.
People who have lost their mothers may feel a particular type of pain on Mother's Day. On one hand, it's important to celebrate and honor those we have loved and lost, but on the other, it can be tough to be in a positive place when you are hurting. Celebrating Mother's Day when your mother is no longer with you is a very specific kind of challenge, and it's OK if it's one that you can't rise to.
Mother's Day is hard when you are going through something challenging.
Not every mom wants to celebrate Mother's Day, or can get herself into the right mindset to do so. Maybe you're going through a breakup or a divorce, maybe you just lost a job, maybe you're trying to get a project off the ground. Maybe toilet training your child is stressing you out, maybe you feel like you don't get support at home. Maybe no one remembered to get you a present, or you don't feel like a priority in your family. Whatever the reason, it can be tough to enjoy Mother's Day if something difficult is going on in your life.
Mother's Day is hard when you still want to become a mom.
Mother's Day can be really tough on people who are trying to conceive, exploring fertility options, or hoping to adopt. Wanting to become a mom but not having done so yet is difficult on many regular days, and a day that is so specific to a life goal can feel nearly impossible to get through.
There are ways to manage a difficult Mother's Day.
If you are in one or more of these groups, or if there is just some other reason why Mother's Day is hard for you, there are things you can do to try to make it a little better:
- If possible, spend the day only with people who aren't stressful.
- Celebrate the parts of your life that do make you happy.
- Take a little time for yourself, even if it's just to sit and think.
- Focus on what could make next year's Mother's Day better, if possible.
If Mother's Day is hard for you, you're not alone. It's perfectly OK to make this day just any old Sunday, and in fact, you might want to lean all the way into doing so.
