My son is 10 years old, and he has never, ever believed in Santa Claus. The reason? My husband and I made a deal after our kid was born that we wouldn't lie to him about … anything. #MillennialParents, ya know?
It might sound ridiculous, but we really did make that decision, and we've never shied away from it. So far in his life, it's definitely meant that we've had surprising or difficult conversations with him earlier than we anticipated doing so. But it's also meant that he trusts us implicitly, and he knows without a doubt that we will tell him the truth whenever he wants it (and often even when he doesn't).
When it comes to Santa specifically, our aversion to indulging in the giant cultural hoax is rooted in a few things:
- We didn’t want to lie to our kid.
- We aren’t Christian and don’t want to celebrate cultural Christianity any more than we already do by being American and by celebrating many aspects of the holiday.
- We don’t have a lot of extra funds and, honestly, want a little credit for the gifts we do give him. On that note, it feels extra gross to imply that the children who really “deserve it” get fancy gifts while poor kids … just don’t.
- We really try to eschew consumerism as much as we can, and let’s face it: Society’s modern take on Santa is all about consumerism.
And that’s really it. In my mind, whether to celebrate Santa is a personal decision that each family makes on their own. But in reality, it has turned out to be one of the most offensive-to-everyone-else decisions we have ever made.
As our son has grown up, it's been pretty fascinating to see how other families react when they find out Santa isn't our game. For starters, I have been bowled over by how Santa families will happily place the onus of responsibility for perpetuating a cultural lie on other children. Once when my son was in preschool (so age 3 or 4), another child told my kid that he must be bad since Santa doesn't come to his house. Never one to back down when he knows he's empirically correct (you know apples and trees?), my kid was like, "No, your mom is just lying to you."
As you can imagine, this became a whole situation. I ended up speaking to the other mom at the end of the day, both of our kids nestled to our sides. When her son turned to her and said, "[My kid] is just bad, right? Because Santa doesn't visit?" she had the gall to make a noncommittal sound and tell her son it was time to go. Never mind that she was the one perpetuating a cultural lie that would eventually be outed! It was easier for my tiny preschooler to be "bad."
People have often worried that our son has missed out on holiday magic because he doesn't do Santa, which is another thing I've never fully understood. So to quell those fears, here are a few of my favorite holiday traditions that are truly magical.
1. Get a tree together
I don't know how or why we decided real trees were the way to go, but I do know it started after our son was born. While we don't do Santa and we sometimes even do Hanukkah (I like to describe myself as Jewish-ish), we always have a tree. Some years we have walked down the street and bought a tree from the local Boy Scout group, and other years we have gone out to a farm and chopped one down ourselves.
No matter how we do it, each year it's always a really fun thing to do together. When we get home, we put on Christmas songs (my husband loves Bing Crosby) and decorate the tree. As he's gotten older, our son is less interested in this part (because we are hella cheesy), but he still participates a little.
2. Decorate!
I love ALL holidays and will find a way to decorate for each one no matter what. I start hanging garland and twinkle lights around the house the day after Thanksgiving (or even sooner). To be fair, at the same time I also make turkeys out of our hands and snowflakes for the solstice, and if I'm really feeling myself, I'll hang up felt dreidels that I made a few years ago.
My point: You can still be merry and bright without involving a bearded man who sneaks into your home to reward you with iPads, but only if your parent(s) can actually afford them.
3. Establish cozy traditions of your own
One year I saw that meme that goes around Facebook each holiday season about Iceland. I don't remember it exactly, but the gist is that on Christmas Eve in Iceland, families exchange books and spend the night cuddling up together and reading. I love it!
We are big readers, so a few years ago we adopted this tradition and haven't looked back. Each year on Christmas Eve we open up a family present (spoiler: It's always matching holiday pajamas, which we then put on) and the books we've picked out for one another. It's the best.
4. Bring the solstice into it
The winter solstice is magical in and of itself, and we have had a wonderful time discussing and observing the solstice by ourselves and with friends. Some years, this has meant making a delicious meal, tromping in the snow, or just reading about the solstice and what it represents.
5. Give each other gifts
Here's the thing: Santa doesn't have to bring any of your presents! You can still give and receive them. Shopping for surprises for my son brings me a genuine delight that is only topped by the day that he finds out what those surprises are. While we keep both our gift budget and the number of gifts we give him low, we always make sure the presents are special and not something that he'd receive on any random day.
