Coping with a child going to college can be a confusing experience. On one hand, parents might find themselves counting down the days until their teenagers go off to college because they know that there’s an amazing journey waiting for them.
But on the other, once that time actually comes, we might experience a whole wave of different emotions that we didn’t even realize were going to bubble up.
As you prepare to send your child away from the family home, you might find yourself having a bit of an identity crisis or even experiencing an intense bout of grief.
Having a child “fly the nest” is a stage of parenthood to adjust to, just like all the ones before it, so here are some tips for coping with a child going to college.
First things first, acknowledge how intense your emotions surrounding this time are. Whether you’re struggling to cope with your child going to college, looking forward to a new phase in your own life, or feeling a mixture of all the emotions at once, they’re all valid.
It can be a truly emotional and life-changing experience for any parent when their child leaves home for the first time. It’s important to acknowledge that and work through your emotions in productive and healthy ways no matter how you’re coping with a child going to college.
Keeping all of that in mind, let’s dig into a helpful guide on dealing with the emotional journey of sending your kid to college.
Try to keep your grief from your child.
There’s always something to be said about having an open and honest dialogue with your family, including your children. But it’s also important that you don’t pass along your sense of grief and loss as you’re coping with a child going to college because it could disrupt their experience.
The Guardian notes that while it’s completely understandable to tell your teen that you miss them while they’re at school, it’s vital to not “pass the weight of your own grief on to your child.” Although your child is a part of your grief, your loss and sadness are yours, not your child’s. So don’t place those emotions on them to make yourself feel better.
If you need to talk about it, you can always call up a friend, speak to your partner about it, journal, or seek professional therapy as you adjust to this new phase in life.
Consider the possibilities.
Sometimes, when all you can see are the negative aspects, it can help to deliberately and consciously focus on the positives to reframe your thought processes or anxiety spirals as part of the process of coping with a child going to college.
One of the positives that can come from a teen going to college is a better relationship with each other. For instance, in a 2021 survey, Better Colleges found that out of 14,500 college students, close to 60% of participants found that their relationship with their parents improved when they began college.
The teen years at home can be a challenge as kids yearn for more independence and freedom. But once they’re at college, with space and the room to grow on their own, teens can better appreciate the caring parent they have at home. You might even be surprised to find them reaching out more and asking for your advice once they’re off at college.
Put self-care at the top of your list of priorities.
Moving a child out of your home and preparing them for college life and all that comes with it can be a super stressful time for any family. Once everything is said and done, you may find yourself feeling down due to your newfound empty nest.
During this time especially, Verywell Mind suggests that you take extra care of yourself and put all of that new free time toward really pampering yourself and making sure that you’re good without having to consider your kids’ schedules.
Self-care can be anything from getting massages to meditation to physical activity that works to improve your quality of life and overall mood. Or maybe it’s time to rediscover some of your long-lost hobbies?
However you decide to take care of yourself, be sure to really go for it during this transitional time because you deserve the extra time and care. You may have felt selfish in the past for taking time for yourself because your kids were around; now that layer of guilt is gone, so it’s time to lean into yourself.
Focus on friendships.
Some parents may have found themselves putting some of their friendships on the back burner throughout child-rearing years because the sheer dedication and intensity of raising children took so much of their time and energy.
BetterUp notes that one of the best ways parents can help themselves when they’re experiencing depression or grief from empty nest syndrome is to make those social connections that will help “[alleviate] feelings of loneliness.”
Whether those connections are linking up with friends from your past who you used to have a lot of fun with or finding a new little crew when you sign up for painting or yoga classes, getting yourself out of your shell and being around people can help forge new friendships (and serve as a healthy distraction).
Take comfort in knowing that your kid will still need you, even from afar.
Once your teen moves out for college, you may worry that you won’t be needed in the same ways as a parent to your child. But hold that thought — you’ll always be your child’s parent. Their needs may just change, but we guarantee that you will still be there when your child needs you.
The Washington Post suggests that you give your child some space and time to adjust to their new life and surroundings (that means avoiding calling or texting every five seconds). But leave yourself open to the inevitable late-night phone calls or FaceTime calls that will likely pop up, especially during those first few months apart. They will come back to you, promise.
The Washington Post also suggests that as your teen is learning all of these new life skills, instead of just offering a quick fix, try leaning into becoming more of a “sympathetic ear” who will listen to their feelings and issues while still allowing them that sense of independence.
This strategy can help you both transition from a parent who has all the answers to someone who is always there for them as they figure out their own path.
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if things don’t get lighter as time goes on.
There are a lot of parents out there who experience feelings of grief and loss when their kids leave the nest, but they manage to happily distract themselves and work through the rougher days and come out on the other side. With that being said, there are some people who may need a little help to work through things.
Healthline notes that if those feelings of depression don’t appear to be temporary or start to take over your everyday life, it’s definitely worth considering finding a trained professional to help you work through this new phase of your life. Everyone needs help from time to time.
Sending a child off to college is a major transition in your life, so you deserve to be supported through it.
