The other night, I was on a very so-so date. The man I met up with was cute, but very nervous. I totally understand having nerves on first dates. It's normal, but sometimes, nerves can really get in the way of enjoying your time together.
The guy was so nervous he really struggled to make conversation. He repeatedly apologized for "being boring," which I tried to assure him he wasn't. "I'm happy for company," I told him, hoping he'd let his guard down and feel more comfortable.
My efforts didn't exactly work, however, and it honestly led to a pretty uncomfortable evening. Still, in the back of my mind, I knew it had been because of his nervousness, and I wondered if another meeting might smooth things out.
I wasn't really planning on kissing him goodnight, since there hadn't been too much chemistry during the evening. It wasn't like I was dying for a goodnight kiss or anything. But in the back of my mind, I did wonder if maybe there was some chemistry to be found.
Before we parted ways, I leaned in to give him a kiss on the lips. He wasn't expecting it, I could tell, but he didn't fight it, either. Still, the kiss was pretty subpar. I didn't sink into it like I hoped I might. We said an awkward goodbye, and that was it.
That was two nights ago, and neither of us have bothered sending a follow-up text.
That kiss didn't pan out quite like I'd hoped it would. But that's not to say that a great kiss hasn't totally changed the course of many dates over the course of my life. Great kisses have come out of nowhere and totally blown me away. Even when I thought I didn't like someone, sharing an amazing kiss has even been the start of truly great relationships.
That much was definitely true when it came to my last relationship. For the entire date, I wasn't quite sure how I felt. I knew my future boyfriend was super cute, but he was young, and I didn't know if we were on the same wavelength. Then, before I was getting ready to leave (I didn't), we kissed. It was one of those really amazing, time-stopping kissing that make you just forget where you are entirely.
Not everyone wants to lock lips with someone they aren't feeling, and while I totally get that, I also believe that when it comes to dating, it's important to give people a chance. That doesn't just mean in terms of how you connect through conversation on a first date, either. I mean, there are all kinds of reasons why people may be nervous or insecure, or why you might not connect straight away. Kissing is sort of like the great connector. It helps you see past all of those awkward first date vibes and just feel.
Truly, feeling something is what everyone is hoping for on a first date anyway. And while there are definitely going to be some bad kisses, there may be some great and unexpected ones, too. That's absolutely been true for me.
With that being said, I will also say that there's a (hefty) handful of men I could've done without kissing in my lifetime. But for me, it's worth a little slobby kissing or lame tight-lipped pecking to find out if there's something more there.
That kiss the other night was terrible. There was no way around it. And truth be told, even if it had been great, that connector would've required some work. But do I regret kissing someone I didn't feel much chemistry with? Not at all. For me, sexual chemistry is every bit as important as the rest, and sometimes, what you need to know is in that kiss. But you can't be afraid to go for it.
I won't ever see that man again. There will be no more tight-lipped awkward kisses for him. At least not from me. But I have a couple of dates lined up, and you better believe I plan on kissing them all.
They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs. I don't know if that's true. I think there are tons of ways to see if you feel connected to someone, and it's not just about kissing. But being open, vulnerable, and willing to give people a chance in all respects is important.
Kissing guys you don't like might not be for everyone. But physical chemistry is important. Sometimes, you don't know what you're missing until you stop thinking and just feel.
