Rachel Platten is all about female empowerment. The singer is used to raising women up with music, like with her hit "Fight Song." Recently, she's pivoted toward empowering new moms like herself with honesty and candor.
On Mother's Day, Rachel celebrated the joys of being a mom to her 1-year-old daughter, Violet Skye. Just days later, Rachel opened up about the circumstances around the picture and admitted all wasn't what it seemed. She felt a responsibility to be honest about her struggles with postpartum anxiety. She admitted that she didn't feel like she deserved to be celebrated on the holiday because of it.
It's not the first time that Rachel has opened up about her experiences with postpartum anxiety. She first started feeling the postpartum anxiety set in while she was on tour last summer. She opened up about the experience onstage at Madison Square Garden for the first time after getting help.
Rachel Platten wants to make sure she's being upfront and honest with moms who follow her. The "Fight Song" singer took to Instagram on Mother's Day to share a photo of herself and 1-year-old daughter Violet Skye.
"Violet Skye, I always have so many words, but right now I can’t think of any that are big or full enough to describe my wild love for you," she captioned the image. "Ahh thank you for making me a mother, I've never heard a sweeter sound than your voice singing along with mommy ."
A few days later, Rachel opened up about the circumstances around the beautiful picture and how all wasn't what it appears. "On Mother's Day – I sobbed for hours the night before and the morning of. I know I didn't show that side on social media, only an older laughing picture of me and vi. But truthfully all of those months on tour last summer when I was struggling with post Partum anxiety made me feel shame and guilt, like I didn't deserve to be celebrated as a mom," Rachel revealed.
"I felt so sad that I'd missed out on special moments of bonding with her while struggling with panic attacks and my mental health. My angel of a daughter deserved better," she continued.
"I couldn't even get out of bed on Sunday, until finally after hours of feeling the second arrow of hating and pushing away what I was feeling, I surrendered into it. I let myself feel as sad and ashamed as I needed to. I located the sadness in my body, asked what it needed to hear ('forgive me!'), and I then shifted to my loving higher self who is always there and truly gave myself that forgiveness."
"It wasn't all at once, but gradually all of that hurt unwound and I let myself be loved by my husband and reminded that I am of course a good mother! Maybe great! Not perfect, no, but loving and kind and supportive," she added.
"And most of all, violet feels very loved. I know it. I feel a little vulnerable sharing this, but I think it's important that I practice what I'm always telling everyone else to do. Be vulnerable! Be real! So if you want – maybe start by sharing something you are going through or feeling with me that has been hard for you lately. We can hold space for each other here. ."
"I found myself on Mother's Day just like putting up, you know, an old picture of me and violet laughing," she told Good Morning America.
"And that wasn't at all real because the feelings that I was having this summer, that postpartum anxiety brought up all this guilt. And I didn't really feel like I deserved to be celebrated on Sunday on Mother's Day."
Rachel first found herself experiencing symptoms of postpartum anxiety while she was on the road last summer. "I was miserable," Rachel explained.
"I was having panic attacks. I was you know, trying to get enough milk breastfeeding to make her OK and then trying to entertain 15,000 people and then trying to keep it together as a boss and trying to be a good wife."
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in eight women will experience some form of postpartum depression or anxiety. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America describes symptoms of postpartum anxiety as changes in eating and sleeping and the inability to sit still. It says that 10% of women will experience postpartum anxiety.
Rachel confided in a friend about what she was experiencing. Her friend suggested she talk to a therapist.
"I think these feelings are bigger than just the anxiety of being a new mom," Rachel said. "It took a minute to find the right one [therapist], but when I did, it was like the first conversation. It was finally getting the hug that I needed."
Rachel also credits her husband, Kevin Lazan, for being an immense support. "It is a true blessing to have a man that is strong enough to sit there, hold space while I'm going through what I'm going through the waves of my emotions," she said.
With Kevin and therapy, Rachel was able to understand and process her experience.
When she was ready, she shared it with fans. The first time she spoke about it was while she was onstage in concert at Madison Square Garden. "I started to own it, acknowledge it, give it a name, and then speak it," Rachel explained.
"I said for the first time, look I'm gonna be brave tonight and share that I'm a new mother and I am struggling with postpartum. And I have the most thunderous applause," she continued.
"I had women stand up and I could see some women in the couple front rows crying."
Rachel is moving on to a new stage of parenthood as her baby girl grows into a toddler. She feels prepared to move forward and keep her well-being in mind.
"If I can be one example of someone who's actually sharing the truth about who I am and what I'm feeling when I'm going through what I look like without makeup and you know what my real life is like, I really want to be able to give that," she said.
Rachel shared some of that realness when she told fans about the experience she had being shamed at a mommy/baby class.
"Yesterday I went to a new mommy baby class and felt VERY ashamed and triggered. I don't want to name the class because that feels a little small of me – but it is a very specific type of parenting style and the teacher decided to use me and violet as the 'bad' example of what not to do. Oy. Like the whole class," she explained.
"This is already an area that's hard for me (that I've since worked through) – being on tour and working so much SO EARLY in her little life left me often questioning my own abilities to know what was best for her. I now feel completely qualified and competent – but this teacher didn't know any of that and was kind of pointing out things we were doing 'wrong' I guess innocently enough."
"I worked through it by allowing the feelings of shame and fear and hurt to surface and then sat with them, nurtured them, and finally remembered that I am more the nurturing higher self rach than any story I can tell myself. But man it was tricky! So now I'm ready to share," she continued.
"Motherhood is crazy hard and triggering in so many ways. Before kids we can surround ourselves with our little pocket of beautiful friends who feel good for us – but having a kid means you are constantly forced to put yourself out there in new and vulnerable ways. I feel for you mamas. So anyway this weekend we are just going to do us, play piano and sing songs (with Dino) and cuddle a lot. As for the class, I will try to go back at least once more and see if there's any nuggets of truth in the method that feel good for me and vi. But I'm certainly not letting it shake my confidence as a mama anymore."
