Bridgette Anne, a stay-at-home mom from Minnesota, recently opened up in a huge, public way on Facebook.
There seems to be an eternal debate about who has it worse: moms who stay at home with their kids or moms who work full-time and therefore don't. There are also tons of alternative paths in between, like working from home with your children there (which is no piece of cake) or hiring a part-time nanny for while you work. Whatever you choose, it seems like you're always going to feel guilty about it.
Bridgette doesn't feel guilty, but she does feel that being a stay-at-home mom is "lonely and overwhelming." She has been home with her daughter, Riley, for the last 13 months.
Her post begins:
“everyone thinks being a stay at home mom full time is easy.
— that we are lucky to be able to not have to work.
— that we are lazy.
— that it’s not 'real' work so we have nothing to complain about."
Bridgette goes on to write: "but the truth is…it’s [expletive] lonely and overwhelming. You can’t do anything by yourself; go to the bathroom, enjoy a cup of coffee, read, h*ll you can’t even scrub the [expletive] out of pants for the 3rd time in a day without someone crying or screaming at your leg."
"You don’t get breaks unless they are sleeping; which even then you use that time to clean up
"You struggle to come up with ways to entertain someone for literally 12 hours a day every day.
"You wear the same clothes that smell like sweat and tears for days at a time because it’s already stained and no use in ruining more clothes."
"You forget what it means or feels like to be an individual; because your entire existence now revolves around that child.
"You look at working moms and get jealous because you wish you could have an excuse to have an adult conversation without being interrupted."
"You lock yourself in the bathroom and scream into a towel while crying because you need a second to breathe; all while a child is banging on the door to get in…
"☝️ let that sink in, most of us don’t even have the luxury to cry and be frustrated in peace..and when we do break down people question it; 'like what do you have to cry about you get to sit home all day.'"
"I was one of those people who judged SAHM’s. But I get it now. The people who said they’d be there to help have all but disappeared, and you’re left with this overwhelming sense of failure.
"My house isn’t clean, I’m not clean, the dishes aren’t done, I have screamed already today, I have cried, and I have felt so d*mn guilty that my child was here to witness it.
"But I am alone….and I am lonely."
She concludes her post by imploring: "check in on your SAHM friends….we are NOT okay."
Reaction to her post has been mixed, and Bridgette has said she's surprised by the number of people who are reacting negatively. She told Today that "It's still showing the stigma that surrounds stay-at-home moms and how we shouldn't complain."
She adds that these feelings aren't isolated to just stay-at-home moms: "But I think so many people — not just moms, not just stay-at-home moms, but parents of all shapes and sizes — have related to this because in a social media world, we are expected to show only the great parts in life. As a society, we forget that there are also bad parts and bad days, especially when it comes to being a parent."
She says that she hopes others are inspired to check in on their friends who do stay home with their children all day: "I want people to check in on their mom friends because we are usually the last people to speak up about needing help."
She adds: "As a society I feel like stay-at-home moms are pressured into feeling nothing but grateful that they get the opportunity to stay home — that we aren't allowed to speak out on our bad days without someone telling us it could be worse."
At the end of the day, Bridgette's hope is that people realize that it's OK for someone to have mixed feelings about a choice they've made: "I want people to realize that even though it can be a privilege to be able to raise our children full time, it also can be hard, and it's OK to talk about it without feeling like you're going to be told to suck it up."
