Blending families can be a tricky business. Whether it's through remarriage following a divorce or after a death, stepparents can sometimes overstep and end up alienating family members in the process. Traditions are where things can get particularly heated.
Entering a family as a stepparent with the mindset that they are the "new parent" can be a recipe for failure. And even if they are patient and gracious, kids don't always accept stepmoms or stepdads immediately. With this in mind, one Reddit user wanted to know if she was at fault for denying her late mother's pie recipe to her stepmother — and Redditors were in complete agreement.
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A 17-year-old Redditor explained that her late mother's pie was the family's favorite dish.
In an August 24 Reddit thread in the AITA subreddit, a teenager detailed the current situation between herself, her stepmom, and her dad. "My mom had this pie she used to make all the time," she explained. "It was the family favorite dish. My siblings (7f, 6m) and I (17m) love it."
Now that her dad is remarried, the wife wants to bake it.
When their mom died, the teen took over making the pie.
"Now my dad is remarried and his wife wants to learn to make the pie because she said it's a motherly thing to do, make your kids favorite meal," the OP detailed. "She feels like I'm getting in the way of her having that experience with them."
However, she refuses to tell her stepmom the recipe.
The OP explained that she repeatedly refused to teach her stepmother to make the pie.
"I told her I'm going to keep making it and giving it to my siblings and it's an experience where I can tell them about mom and they can ask about her," the 17-year-old shared. "She told me she's going to be their mom now and deserves to have the chance to do this for them. I told her I don't care and I'm not teaching her."
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Frustratingly, her father took his wife's side.
"My dad told me I should step back and let his wife step in and take over this kind of thing and I'm the only one who knows it of the two of us," the OP continued.
Although the stepmom has attempted to remake the pie on her own, no one liked it.
"She told me making something like that is a whole part of motherhood and I'm denying her," the teen explained. "That I need to get out of her way of making it as my siblings mom. She told me teaching her is honoring the family she wants to have."
The OP concluded by sharing she is "still refusing" to teach her dad's wife how to make the pie, but that her father and stepmom are "more angry now than ever."
Reddit users overwhelmingly supported the OP in the comments.
In the comments, fellow Reddit users agreed: The teenager was NTA.
"I’m a step parent," one person shared. "One of the fundamentals of step parenting is understanding that you do not get to decide that you are the new parent. You play the role as best you can and it’s up to the kids to decide whether or not you’re their parent. You sure as hell don’t get to insert yourself into any specific tradition that someone else began. You have to be invited."
Another Redditor commented: "NTA. Sounds like your dad got married very quickly and without doing the work to prepare and consult with you guys to help you feel comfortable with it. If the pie is 'your thing' let her and your dad find another way to integrate her with the family."
Meanwhile, someone else wrote, "I don't think she was an a-hole for asking. But she is definitely an a-hole for how she asked. And for forcing the issue. She's not respecting your mom's place in your life and sounds like she's trying to erase her. She should drop it and focus on finding another bonding agent. Your dad's an a-hole too for how he's reacting to the whole thing."
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