Even as a busy parent, if you think back to your teen years and everything you were going through during that time, from tumultuous breakups to trying to feign a keen interest in advanced biology so you could get into a good college, that period of life can be absolutely exhausting. It’s really no wonder that teens often find themselves coming up against moments or even weeks of feeling completely unmotivated or even detached from their lives.
While it’s completely OK for your teen to take a day or even a week to sort themselves out, there’s also something to be said about helping them crawl out from under those apathetic feelings and slowly and surely move toward their goals.
If there’s one thing you appreciate as you get older, especially when you have kids, it’s that time goes so quickly, so you wouldn’t want your teen to get stuck in a rut and not be living their best life.
So, let’s take a look at some surefire ways you can help motivate your teen to be their best self without causing them undue feelings of guilt or shame.
Have an open discussion about what classes they enjoy in school, what they don’t like and strategic things they can do to help improve their grades to pursue their dreams.
Sometimes when you’re a teenager, or even when you’re an adult who feels stuck in a work or home project that seems never-ending, you can find yourself losing motivation for the end goal because it seems so far out of sight and getting there feels both overwhelming and agonizing.
Time notes that school can feel like a particularly difficult time for adolescents as teens have to spend their days basically being told what to do while being “[herded] into classes” about things they may have little to no interest in. The publication also notes that even though teenagers are required to learn all different subjects across the board for their education, it doesn’t mean that they will intrinsically enjoy them all, and you don’t have to force them or make them feel bad about that.
This is where as a parent, you can help your teen look at their situation from a more neutral standpoint because you can help them see where they can improve in order to raise their overall grade point average and to better see what subjects get them really excited about learning and what they may want to pursue further.
If they’re really having trouble connecting to certain subjects that are vital to their grades, you could always find them a specialized tutor or meet with their teacher in order to help break any barriers and to better come up with a plan that will help your teen get through those tougher learning experiences.
Help your teen learn their own unique processes that will help them to manage stress.
If you’re someone who loves to head outside and run a couple of miles when you’re stressed or get out your journal to write down your thoughts, you’ll likely recognize that everyone has their own way of working through stress.
Even though teenagers aren’t quite adults yet, it doesn’t mean that their life circumstances don’t cause them stress that can then lead to a lack of motivation or even detachment from normal daily activities as well as their own inner happiness. As a parent, it’s important to help your teen figure out what practices they can implement into their regular schedule to help alleviate stress and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t quite align with what works for you.
APA.org notes that doing the best you can to ensure that your teen is sleeping enough, getting regular exercise, and making sure they give themselves the proper time and space to do the fun activities they enjoy, are all ways your teen can find a “healthy balance” in their everyday life and hopefully relieve stress.
Encourage them to open themselves to new opportunities, including a part-time job and other after-school pursuits.
Think back to a moment when you were a teenager trying to convey a hardship in your life to your parents. Were there any moments that stick out in your memory when your parents may have been coming from a place of concern or good intentions, but they only made you feel worse about things because they didn’t pause to think about their language or even body language?
Opening up your teen’s mind to trying new things that will help them further explore their interests and meet new and interesting people may not be an easy feat, but it can all depend on how you bring up the idea in the first place. For instance, you could mention one of their close friends or a family member who is enjoying a new activity or job and how trying new things has really given them a new perspective on life.
Verywell Family notes that having your teen put themselves out there in terms of getting a part-time job can not only open doors for them, but they’ll likely learn important life skills that will translate into a newfound sense of self-confidence and pride. Even other after-school activities, such as an alternative sport like martial arts or volunteering their time at a local retirement home, help to get them out of their comfort zone and engage their mind and body in something positive that may help light that spark from within.
Define what a healthy relationship looks like to them and the fun of dating and making solid friendships that will help influence their inner happiness.
Even if you’re a parent who doesn’t want their child to date until the age of 30, it can really help to think of dating and even your teen developing long-lasting and healthy friendships as beneficial to the social and interpersonal skills that they will need to hone and practice for the rest of their lives.
Encourage your teen to test the waters when it comes to dating because it also helps them to learn about having relationships with people from outside of their family and inner circle and what it can feel like to open up and be vulnerable with someone that you trust. Even if your teen isn’t really into dating quite yet, it can be important to discuss what dating might look like for them should they decide to explore things because it helps them get a better idea of what’s important to them.
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Goodtherapy.org explains that helping your teen define what a healthy relationship looks like to them, particularly one that puts open communication and healthy boundaries at the forefront, can help them achieve a full and happy life. Plus, even if something doesn’t work out long-term, they need to know that there are important life lessons to take away from any failed relationship as well as how to properly move on when things don’t go as planned.
Clarify the importance of self-care, even in your teens, and the ways in which they can recenter themselves.
No matter what age or stage of life you’re in, self-care and having the ability to recenter yourself when life throws curveballs at you or even at the end of a long but productive day, is a valuable practice that can reduce stress and allow us to regain focus.
The Clay Center For Young Healthy Minds explains that when it comes to self-care for your teen, it can help them to create a daily routine, whether it’s 15 minutes of yoga or 20 minutes of meditation, and really carve out the time and simply make a commitment to work it into their daily schedule.
The organization also notes that having your teen get outside to “appreciate nature” — and you can always join them for a pretty sunset walk or hike, and commit to such self-care practices like putting down their phone and being in the moment with some reading or creative artwork, can really help to clear their mind of unnecessary clutter and noise that can be quite overwhelming in our teen years.
