Having a child-free wedding is a decision that many couples make for a ton of very legitimate reasons, and at the end of the day, these couples are well within their rights to make that decision. Part of the discussion that isn't talked about as frequently is how a couple decides who is a child and who isn't.
For some, it likely comes down to age: If you're 18 or older, you're an adult. At least, that's what one mom assumed when her sister invited the family to her child-free wedding, but it sounds like her sister might disagree. Now she's sharing the story on Reddit to see what others think.
The woman begins by sharing info about her son.
"I'll just start by saying that I'm a foster mother, I have a disabled 18 year old son who my husband and I adopted when he was 4. His biological parents aren't in the picture. My husband and I are his primary caregivers. We love him, he's the light of our life, we give him all the care and appreciation he deserves since he's always felt a unfortunate hand in life. He became wheelchair bound at 16 years of age. Nothing through his fault because it was an accident and the drunk driver was responsible for it."
Her family has been supportive until recently.
"My family love my son and always made him feel like he's one of their own. So far we've had no issues til my sister sent me an invitation for her wedding on October 29th. The invitation didn't include my son in fact it stated my son can not attend since the wedding is child free. I was shocked but mostly upset. I called her to ask if she was serious by claiming my son is a child."
Her sister is blaming his disability.
"She apologized saying due to his health and slow growth she's worried the guests would see him and assume he's 15 at max. I said that was illogical and asked if she wanted me to bring identification to proof to her guests that my son is a legal adult. She swore it wasn't about my son and went in about how much she adores him but she didn't want to deal with angry guests assuming she's favoring her family by letting kids attend."
Then the sister compared the woman's 18-year-old son to his 5-year-old cousin.
"She said I shouldn't take this personal because my brother's daughter who's 5 isn't allowed but she's 5 and my son is 18! I said I was sorry but couldn't help but feel she was looking for excuses to exclude him. I ended the conversation, spoke to my son, and he cried."
So the mom made other plans for the day.
"I talked to my husband and decided we won't attend the wedding and instead made reservation to go to the national park and have a tour there together as a family the day my sister's wedding on. My sister found out and was shocked she and my mother said I cant do that and not come to the wedding just because I was asked to respect the rules. I said I was respecting the rules by not attending altogether instead of bringing my son."
Their mom says she's being petty.
"Mom said it was petty of me to do that and told me to cancel the reservation and come with my husband to the wedding but I declined."
Now the woman wants to know what Reddit thinks.
Reddit called out the sister's ableism quickly.
One commenter wrote: "Sorry to be that guy, but your sister doesn't want your disabled son at the wedding and it has nothing to do with it being a child free wedding."
They also think wedding guests would immediately understand.
One person added: "'Not to' mention all that BS about not wanting guests to be 'mad' is such a cop-out. Guests will see a disabled person (even if he looks young) and understand. If anyone starts whining about why her SISTER gets to bring a much older kid who happens to be in a wheelchair over their 8yr old or whatever, clearly isn't a very good person, to begin with."
Her mom's reaction doesn't really add up.
"It’s bothering me so much that OPs [the original poster's] mom and sister told her she couldn’t not go just cause she was asked to 'respect the rules,'" said another commenter. "I mean, number one, OPs son isn’t a child so the rule is not applicable here. Number two, OP would be respecting the rules by not going. Its not about 'respecting the rules' at all, they’re mad she isn’t leaving her son behind. If anything the bride isn’t respecting her own rules by attempting to exclude her nephew."
Others offered encouragement to the mom.
"It’s a child-free wedding, not a nobody-who-looks-too-young wedding," added a commenter. "As a disabled wheelchair user myself, my gut says your assessment of your sister is correct—for some reason, she is looking to exclude your son because of his disability. There is literally no other reason when you could easily produce his driver’s license or state ID proving he is an adult.
"Good for you for standing by your son and refusing to condone your sister’s gross display of ableism. This will mean a lot to your son to see that nobody can manipulate you into condoning ableist discrimination."
"You are doing the right thing by refusing to allow her to discriminate against your son."
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