There are certain milestones in life that one wants their family and friends to support them through and share in their joy. Weddings and engagements are some of those special moments. When one’s future family acts in a disappointing manner, it is easy to lose one’s cool. One future bride, Jeana, found herself in this predicament at her engagement dinner.
Her future father-in-law expressed that he did not approve of his daughter’s relationship because it was with another woman. This bride could not take anymore of his homophobia and rescinded his invitation on the spot without consulting her fiancée. Now her fiancée’s whole family will not attend the wedding, causing Jeana to rethink her actions and take to Reddit for some clarity.
Introductions are in order.
“I'm Jeana (32F) and at my engagement dinner my wife Zoé (34F) made a toast to new beginnings,” Jeana began her Reddit post. “Everyone happily clinked drinks except Zoé's father. He just sat there with has arms crossed staring daggers at me. I looked at Zoé but she was to busy talking to her brother.” This was not the first time Zoé’s dad had ruined an important moment.
Things quickly took a dark turn.
Things quickly escalated from there. “20mins into the dinner I over hear a conversation at the end of the table where we sat the older people like our parents and grandparents,” Jeana went on to say. “I heard my mother say ‘Excuse me?’ Then I heard Zoé's father say ‘It just isn't natural.’”
More from LittleThings: Cue The Applause For A Fifth Grade Class Who Expertly Got Their Homophobic Substitute Fired
What did Jeana overhear?
Jeana was naturally curious about what she overheard and wanted to get to the bottom of it. She might now wish she had not. “I asked what was going on and the whole end of the table got silent,” Jeana recalled. “Zoé's father said that he was happy for us but he doesn't like that I'm a girl. I asked him what did he mean by that and he told me our whole engagement was a joke. He actually started to look around for some type of back up.”
Her father-in-law does not approve of her relationship and she has had enough.
This enraged Jeana and she acted accordingly. “I laughed and told him if he felt that way not to come to the wedding,” she went on to say. “He got very upset and told me I can't tell him what to do and he is going to go anyways. I put my foot down and said no your not. For years I had to sit and listen to him talk down on me and Zoé's relationship but this time I wasn't letting it happen.”
Your invitation has been rescinded.
Once Jeana calmed down, she had a few regrets. “After the party Zoé's mother told me that her family isn't attending the wedding because I told Her husband he couldn't come. Now Zoé is extremely upset and has been crying since we got home,” she explains.
She ended her post asking for advice on how to proceed.
A forum divided.
Reddit was pretty divided on who was in the wrong here. Everyone agreed that what Zoé’s father said was horrible, but many do not think Jeana should have made a decision without consulting Zoé first. The situation could have been handled differently all around.
Couples should make decisions together.
“You don't unilaterally decide something for both of you as a couple,” advised one user. “That's not cool no matter how much her father deserved it.”
Another Reddit user broke it down further for Jeana: “Number 1 rule of a successful marriage is to communicate with each other and let your spouse set the appropriate boundaries for their family. If you start setting boundaries with the other's family, it just isn't gonna work out.”
A different take.
There were commenters who were firmly on team Jeana and believe that she did nothing wrong.
“Ask Zoe why she cares so much about people who do not love or respect her?” one user suggested. "Her father is homophobic, his family members who are currently supporting him are homophobic."
It is hard to cut someone out of your life.
The majority of users felt for both women. Many empathize with Jeana for having to deal with a homophobe but also want her to be cognizant of how difficult it is to be estranged from one’s family. There is always a part of you missing.
Hopefully Jeana can use Reddit’s feedback to work through this situation with Zoé.
