Co-parenting can be a tricky minefield to navigate, especially when there are different expectations for kids depending on their location. One dad found himself in that position when his ex decided to become a vegetarian and expected her kids to do the same.
This dad felt torn between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, he wants to make his ex's life easier, but on the other, his kids do not want to be vegetarians. He doesn't think it's fair to force that lifestyle upon them if they don't want it. He was getting mixed advice from his friends, so he decided to take to Reddit.
Dad wants to do the right thing.
This concerned dad only wants what is best for his kids. “My ex and I have 2 sons that are 6 and 8,” he begins. “We split time 50/50, they’re with me 2 weeks a month, then with her the other 2. A couple of years ago, she began dating this guy 'Saul' and they got married a few months back. I knew Saul was a vegetarian and my ex became one as well about a year into dating him. Still, she would cook meat for the boys. Once Saul moved in after the wedding, he said he didn’t feel comfortable with any meat in the house at all. I didn’t see much issue with this at first. Their home, they can do as they please. All I care about are my boys being fed and remaining healthy, which they are.”
The kids want to have a say in their food choices.
Dad feels like he is taking his kids’ wants into account but his ex is not. “Then my ex became upset that our sons are not following a vegetarian diet. At her house, they have no choice, really,” he explains. “But my wife and I serve a variety of foods. There’s not meat every night, but at least 3-4 times a week, you can guarantee a dish will include it. If the boys stated they wanted to become vegetarians, I would respect it and find a way to make sure they were maintaining a healthy diet. However, neither of them want to be.”
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No meat allowed at mom's.
“I’ve heard that at my ex’s, they complain that they can’t eat meat. Even if they go out, my ex and Saul will only let them order vegetarian items,” dad explains. “In the beginning, I did try to explain different houses have different rules but eventually just let them vent. I also told my ex that this is her circus to handle, because she and Saul are making the rule.”
That was one excellent steakhouse.
Things came to a head when dad went to a steakhouse for his birthday. The kids had a hard time going back to mom’s no meat rule after that. “She sent me a long rant text stating that the boys were requesting burgers and when she said no, they said ‘but dad let us have steak last week,’” dad recalls. “She asked that I stopped serving meat in my house and letting them order it at restaurants. I said I wasn’t going to do that unless they told me that they wanted to follow a vegetarian diet. She claims that I am making her job harder. When I told her that she’s making her own job harder, she got mad and called me an [expletive].”
Dad went on to ask friends for advice. “The people I’ve spoken to are split. All agree that I should be able to feed my kids whatever (within reason) but some feel I should try to make my ex’s life easier,” he says. So he’s asking Reddit users to weigh in.
Reddit users support the father.
The results are in, and Reddit users are on the dad’s side. “Your ex is being unreasonable,” one user commented. “She can't force vegetarianism on her children all of a sudden. Even if you give in they have other ways to access meat and she will just make it more appealing to them.”
One user offers some sage advice.
One user offered some great co-parenting advice. “I am divorced. We share 50/50 custody,” the user explained. “In order to have our divorce finalized, the county that we live in made both my wife and I attend parenting classes. At first I was a little perturbed. But having gone through them, I am so glad that my tax dollars are being spent on that. The metaphor that we were given is, ‘Parent in your box. And let your ex parent in their box.’ Feed the kids what you feed them when they are with you.”
It's all about the kids.
Other users do not think the dad’s focus should be on making his ex’s life easier but instead on the kids themselves. “Do not think of making ex's life easier,” wrote one user. “Think instead of the children. They don't want to be vegetarians, and there's no good reason for you to force it on them. If ex wants arbitrary rules, you've let her have them. There's no way you have to descend to her level when the kids are with you.”
The bottom line is this is a good dad.
This dad can rest assured he has the support of Reddit. It sounds like he is a good dad just trying to do the best he can for his kids. Let’s hope the ex can see the error of her ways.
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