Cultures around the world have different expectations and customs when it comes to marriage and last names, and that's doubly true when it comes to naming babies. It's always important to remember that just because you're used to one custom or expectation doesn't mean the rest of the world is — or even that people in your home are.
One dad is finding this out in quite a dramatic way. He shared on Reddit that even though his wife kept her last name after they got married, he wants their son to have one last name: his.
He says his Southern family had an issue with his wife not changing her last name.
To kick things off, the man explained that last names have already been an issue:
"So, a bit of context I (M32) have been with my wife (F30) for 3 years. she comes from a country where women get to keep their maiden name after marriage which was fine with me though as someone who comes from the south my family pushed for my wife to take my last name but she ended up keeping hers which made my family somewhat unhappy saying it was disrespectful of her to keep her maiden name but thankfully they got over it and things got better and we reconciled later."
They're about to have a baby, and last names have come up again.
"Now this 'last name' issue has been brought up again when my wife and I found out we were expecting a baby boy," he continued. "I sat with my wife down and told her that my son is going to get my last name and explained so that there's no confusion but she disagreed and said no and came up with a compromise which was that our son gets both our last names but I declined explaining how awkward and confusing and just complicated that would be."
He had to 'remind' his wife that 'she got to keep her maiden name.'
"Not too mention the middle name so that would be a long name but she said I should consider since my last name will still be there but I said no and told her we'll just have to go with what most families here do and is going by the father's last name," the man explained, adding, "she threw a fit calling me selfish and accused me of treating her as if she as a mother gets less or no say but I reminded her that she got to keep her maiden name and so we're even."
He says his son is his concern — but it sounds like it's his family.
"She then argued that I was mixing two things that are unrelated and was holding the fact she got to keep her maiden over her head though it was her right to do that same with deciding what surname our son will have. I said I was sorry but I can not accept this compromise especially with how my family will react and told her she should just go with the flow and agree on my son having my last name. She got upset and refused to talk to me after that calling me selfish and a dictator and a 'minion' for my family even though I'm just looking out for our son's best [interest] and keeping them in mind."
He thinks his wife is being stubborn, but people don't agree with him.
The man came to Reddit for advice, and boy, did he get it.
One commenter wrote, "'I sat with my wife down and told her that my son is going to get my last name.'
"That's as far as one has to read to decide YTA. The rest of it just makes it worse."
Also, he doesn't actually get to make the decision here.
Another person pointed out that, technically, this isn't even his decision to make: "Go apologize and actually try to discuss/negotiate with your wife. This is not something you go tit-for-tat with. Her name has nothing to do with your son's. Either you both agree on this, or she gets to decide on her own. You need to get that through your head… and please for the love of god get off your pretentious high horse, because the 'better than thou' attitude towards her was dripping from this entire post."
People are really taking issue with his ideas about being 'even.'
A third person chimed in: "Also no, you were already even: YOU got to keep your own last name. She never asked you to change YOUR name to hers, and never held it over your head that she 'let' you keep your own name (and its link to identity, family etc).
"See how silly that sounds?
"Given the kid both names IS being even. You giving the kid only YOUR name is not even nor equal. Just because it is culturally accepted doesn't mean it's just or fair."
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