Astrology is all about finding yourself in the universe. It's about searching for the specific in the general to illuminate all of those things that make us special, yet unify us on a grander level.
So what is drunk astrology? Well, it's the universe's way of condemning alcoholism (JK, Mother Nature would never), or it's a really simple method of determining on how one will behave when inebriated.
After all, we all take on different roles at the party. Whether those roles are consistent with the roles we play in other situations is neither here nor there.
Some people believe when one consumes the sweet nectar of alcohol, the truth comes out, while others believe it's out of the drinker's control. Who knows what the truth is!
Just sit back, grab a cocktail, and read your drunk horoscope, but try not to take it too seriously — life is too short for all of that!
Aries
You are totally on fire and it’s not just because you’re a fire sign. Aries’ bombastic persona drinks SoCo like it’s rocket fuel. You’re the life of the party! Great! LOL…sort of. You might be a “fun drunk,” you may not even be a sloppy drunk, but do you even remember why you’re sleeping in a dog bed without your undies?
Taurus
You like to eat when you’re drunk. You like to cuddle on the couch next to a friend while inventing new drunk foods like Doritos and peanut butter with salsa. You may be a bull sober, but drunk you’re a total snuggle bunny.
Gemini
Finally you can get out of your head for a minute. The constant racing thoughts and tangential thinking is dulled by the sweet nectar of a pink martini. But maybe that just means you have zero chill when you’re sober, homie. Either way, you become a chatty Cathy after a few mojitos and it’s kind of endearing.
Cancer
Oh, the emotional Cancer. You are the girl who always leaves the party crying for reasons that no one can discern — tears of sadness or tears of joy? Both. Always both.
If you’re a Leo, Virgo, Libra, or Scorpio, find your info to the NEXT page!
Leo
The resident attention-seeker of the zodiac, the worst version of you will be flirting with somebody else’s man — and the best one? Flirting with the bartender. One too many Jack and Cokes and you are on the prowl.
Virgo
The normally meticulous Virgo is finally able to let loose. Suddenly, you think everyone is awesome and you’re going to have the awesome-est time. Awesome!
Libra
Your elusive and mysterious demeanor goes straight out the window when you get tipsy, Libra. No time to put on airs when you’re too busy using your outside voice indoors, dancing on tables, and spilling drinks on everyone trying to get away from your mushy-feelings-vomit.
Scorpio
Scorpio will execute their entire emotional spectrum while drinking. You’ll be drunk-dialing all of your exes one minute and sleeping with new ones in the bathroom the next.
If you’re a Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, or Pisces, head over to the NEXT page!
Sagittarius
The Sag enjoys getting drunk because they enjoy life and getting drunk is a new experience. You may get into trouble, but you’re smart enough to weasel your way out of it.
Capricorn
Capricorn is a ticking time bomb. All of those gossip-y thoughts you typically keep looming underneath the surface to keep the peace come out when you get a little tipsy. Those backhanded compliments aren’t so complimentary anymore. However, maybe you should finally tell bae that wearing jorts in winter isn’t as cute as he thinks it is…
Aquarius
The chillest of the zodiac. You’ll be collecting phone numbers and getting free drinks from strangers at the bar. You may not go home with anyone, but it’s the thrill of the chase that keeps you going, Aquarius.
Pisces
Known for your mood swings, no one can predict how you’ll behave 10 shots deep. If you’re having a good day, then you’re about to have the best day. If you’re having a bad day, everyone better steer clear of your temper.
