Divorced couples typically work out details such as child support at the time of the divorce. While those arrangements might change as their child or children grow up, it's a conversation that the two co-parents have together to determine how to best support the kids they have.
One man recently shared on Reddit that his ex-wife is asking for child support 13 years after their split, and it seems like she needs it to support her kids with her second husband.
He's been saving for their kids for a while.
"My ex-wife and I are the parents of a daughter who is 17 and a son who is 15," the original poster (OP) begins. "We share custody of our kids 50/50 and we have been divorced for 13 years now. Neither of us pays child support because we have equal time with the kids and we split the costs of everything (school, medical, dental, extra curricular's). I opened up bank accounts for my kids when each was born and I have saved from the get go, but around 8 or so years ago I came into some money because I was injured at work and I put that money into their accounts. As well as this a relative died 4 years ago and I was left a sum of money that also went into the accounts for my children."
Paying for college is a conversation they're all having.
"The money I have now saved for them will help them tremendously in their futures, whether they go to college or not," OP continues.
"My ex-wife remarried several years ago. Her stepdaughter is 16, she's got a nephew of her husband's they are raising who is 14 and she has a 7 and 5 year old with her husband. Ex-wife wanted to talk to me about college for our kids and she told me that she and her husband had told all their kids that community college would be the most affordable option for them and that they would get as much help as possible but a more expensive school would be tough on them."
She just found out he's saved more money than she knew about.
"I told her that our kids would have that option if they wanted it because I have saved a more than healthy amount for them. She asked me why I never told her sooner and I told her because I was taking care of our children and it wasn't something she needed to know."
She asked him to start paying child support so she can save for her other kids.
"A few days after this talk she called me and alongside her husband said that they would like me to pay child support for our kids, so that they can save more money for their other children's futures," the man explains. "I told her I was not going to pay her child support just so she could support the other children in her home. Her husband told me I could always offer to split the money between all of the children. I told him I was not paying for his kids to go to college."
He told her he's only taking care of his kids.
"I told them I only had a responsibility to my children. I told them if they wanted to save more money, I would happily take the kids more if THEY (my kids) want to spend more time at home with me. Ex-wife called me cruel and said keeping 50-50 and paying money so our kids siblings can go to college should be a no brainer for me. I told her the day I have an obligation to help her support her entire household is a day in another universe where we never broke up. But we did and she has to accept she is equally responsible for our kids as me."
He also explained their child support situation in more detail.
"The courts did not order CS because I only make a little more than my ex-wife and I was well below the threshold they use to determine CS in 50-50 custody cases.
"I have control of the money. My children are aware it is there and we have talked about it but they are still undecided on their future plans. They do not have access to the money yet."
People are on his side.
One commenter seemed to communicate how a lot of people feel about the situation: "Yup. Not his kids, not his problem. But his kids could be pressured, so either keeping control of the money or putting it in a trust is a good idea."
Another person echoed this sentiment.
A second person added, "Protect the money. perhaps a trust fund for each where until they are a certain age, they don't have access unless it's just for college, or you approve of the withdrawal. The kids may not like this but at least the money will be protected and it takes the burden off of them. I'd also let your ex know that the kids money is protected so the kids can't give her money. Start having conversations with your kids about money and manipulation by others, even consider counseling because this is a heavy burden for them to carry."
