Pregnancy has a way of bringing out the best and the worst in both the person who is carrying the baby and sometimes the people around them. One woman recently found out that her sister-in-law appears to be having a hard time with her feelings while pregnant, and those feelings are spilling over and have started a family feud.
The woman wrote on Reddit that her brother and sister-in-law are expecting a baby, and everyone is really excited:
"My brother and SIL announced last month that they are expecting. My whole family is very excited because this will be the first grandchild born in our family since my children were born 22 and 19 years ago. This will also be my first niece or nephew so needless to say I am over the moon happy for them!"
The woman got another surprise around the same time.
The woman and her family were clearly thrilled about the new baby, and then she got more baby news: Her son is expecting, too.
"About two weeks ago my youngest son came to me and his dad and told us that his girlfriend of 3 years was pregnant. We were surprised, but told them both that we are here for them and the baby and whatever they need we will do our best to help them out."
She's pretty excited!
The woman continued, "My son and his girlfriend have decided to keep the baby and will live with us until they get on their feet. We told them they can stay as long as they need, rent free to save up money. So not only do I get a new niece or nephew, I am also getting a new grandchild!"
The woman still has a few of her son's baby things.
It turns out that she still has a few of her son's baby things that were made by her own grandmother:
"Friday night I went through boxes I had of baby items from when my kids were born. I saved one box of keepsakes for each child, which include an outfit and a blanket that my grandma crocheted for each of them before they were born. Sadly my grandma passed away before my youngest was born, so my two kids have the only handmade items from her. I also have the outfit and blanket my grandmother made for me, and said I was passing it to them to use."
So she gave them to her son ... and her sister-in-law is angry.
"I posted on Facebook that my son and his girlfriend were thrilled to get them, and my SIL called and asked why I was giving them to my son and not to her. I explained that these were items made for my son and offered to make her something similar since I have all of my grandmas patterns. I said she could pick the colors/design and I would pay for all of the materials."
She's being accused of playing favorites.
The sister-in-law now says that she won't let the woman see her nephew since she's playing favorites … with her own son:
"I also told her that my brother had things from when he was a baby and my SIL told me he got rid of them because he never thought he would have kids. She then went on to say that her baby deserved them more, and me passing them to my son is breaking family traditions. I told her that there was no such family tradition, and again offered to make her any outfits and blankets she wanted and she refused. She is now saying that I will never see my niece or nephew because of my obvious favoritism."
It turns out the sister-in-law feels insecure.
The woman also added that the family spent Mother's Day together, and the sister-in-law opened up in a big way, but things got worse:
"My son and his girlfriend were there with us, and any time someone would ask how his girlfriend was feeling, SIL would chime in and try to one up her. It got to the point where my son and his girlfriend were so uncomfortable they left. I did pull my brother to the side and asked what the problem was and why SIL seemed so upset, he said that she feels like my son and his girlfriend are stealing the attention from her and that she feels like nobody cares about their baby."
The woman's mother got involved.
Everyone tried to explain to the sister-in-law that there's nothing to worry about:
"I told my brother that was absolutely ridiculous, that we are all super happy and excited for their baby. My mother overheard the conversation and got very angry and confronted my SIL about it. SIL basically insinuated that my son got his girlfriend pregnant on purpose. That his baby will be the first great grandchild and that her baby will always have to share its first everything and compete."
Her sister-in-law walked out.
"My mother got very upset about this and told SIL that this isn’t some weird baby competition, that there were two new lives being born into our family in two decades and that this was the most precious and wonderful thing any family could ask for. SIL became furious and stormed off. My brother apologized and left with her."
Now no one in the family can see the baby.
The woman's sister-in-law has decided no one can see her baby now:
"SIL texted my mother about an hour ago and basically told her that since nobody cares about her baby we won’t have to worry about it, because we will never meet or get to know it. We are all devastated. My son and his girlfriend are extremely upset and feel like they should apologize (for what I don’t know), and my brother is now in the middle and has no idea what to do."
People are ... confused.
Understandably, the people of Reddit are confused. After all, this seems pretty open-and-shut. One commenter noted:
"These are your sons baby things and quite frankly because of his young age he is going to need all the help he can get. Your own brother threw out his baby items, that’s on him."
A grandchild is really important.
They also understand why the woman is so excited about her first grandchild, as the commenter noted:
"Of course a grandchild is going to be more exciting to a person than a niece/nephew. Just like a sibling is likely to be closer than a cousin or your child is going to be more exciting to you than your friends."
There could be something else going on.
One person pointed out that the sister-in-law could be struggling for other reasons:
"Jumping on the top comment to say that it may be worth having a chat with your SIL or brother to see whether your SIL is experiencing pre natal depression especially if this type of behaviour is unusual for her. Post natal depression is talked about a lot but pre natal depression can be just as severe."
Ultimately, the sister-in-law needs to back off.
"Favoritism toward your own grandkids is not only excused, it should be expected. This isn’t something to feel bad about or apologize for."
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