With February often being known as the month that’s chock-full of everything related to red hearts, chocolates, and eternal love, why shouldn’t we turn inward for a moment and explore what that means in terms of self-love?
Medical News Today reports several health benefits to self-pleasure, such as stress and pain relief, mood elevation, and better sleep. But what about the benefits that come from the world of self-pleasure and truly knowing what it is that works for you and what you actually like? Those are the types of benefits that help to keep your sexual appetite healthy and can only make you feel more in tune with yourself.
Whether you’re single or with a partner, the world of self-pleasure and sex toys can feel like a vast and intimidating place, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth exploring. And in the modern world, if the idea of going into an erotic boutique and speaking to a salesperson gives you hives, you can shop online and have one on your doorstep and in your bed the very next day.
If you’re feeling a little bashful about this subject matter and looking to do some shopping for some pleasurable devices that you can use solo or with a sexual partner, we’ve got you covered with a few great tips.
The first step should include removing any feelings of embarrassment and shame and embracing how fun it can be to explore a new side of yourself.
It’s truly a tale as old as time. Due to the patriarchal society that we live in, anything related to women’s bodies and sex, especially if it’s not there for a man’s enjoyment, has been used against us to make us feel ashamed, not good enough, or just plain dirty. For a lot of us, we might not even realize that a lot of our hang-ups related to sexuality and our bodies stem from negative feelings and behaviors that were taught to us during childhood or even throughout previous relationships.
According to HuffPost, the world of self-pleasure and the devices and sex toys that are available to us may make us blush or even have us experiencing feelings of shame for even wanting to explore them, but in reality, “there is nothing to be ashamed of.”
The site notes that the only way you can truly start to eradicate some of those shame-inducing feelings is to press ahead and buy yourself something that you’re excited about using. Even the act of holding something in your hand for the first time can help achieve new feelings of “control and agency” over your own body and thoughts of self-pleasure, and there’s certainly nothing shameful or embarrassing about that.
Discovering what you might be into is its own fun little game of self-exploration while intuitively noticing what feels good to you.
Before you head down that road and make a purchase — unless, of course, you have an unlimited budget for self-pleasure devices, lucky you — it’s best to pause and think about what it is that feels good to you when you engage in a little self-care or even when you’re with a sexual partner.
CBC notes that “exploring with sex is like exploring with food,” meaning, how do you actually know what it is you like and what tastes good to you without giving things a try? These are the types of things to really think about as you peruse any websites or even head into a store to see things for yourself.
How do you know what feels good to you? Think back to some of your most pleasurable sexual experiences and what was happening and what senses and parts of the body were fully engaged. You’ll intuitively know that it might be something worth exploring when you start to get that tingly feeling all over just thinking about the last time you felt that good while exploring a certain side of yourself.
Different types of toys out there usually fall into two categories.
The world of self-pleasure devices or sex toys is vast, silly at times, and downright confusing, but there are usually two main categories to consider when you’re just getting your footing in this world and find yourself unsure of what devices might be calling your name.
Experts note that the two main categories are: internal and external devices. It may be fairly self-explanatory to some, but if you need a little clarification, internal devices are designed for “insertion and stimulation.” So, when you’re thinking about internal toys, this is where something like a PHANXY G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator With Bunny Ears may be useful for all sorts of splendid reasons.
For toys that bring external stimulation, you’re going to want to take a look at something like an Ava Wand Vibrator or a SOYIVE Clitoral Device, which offers different wave intensities that can help those who find clitoral stimulation the most pleasurable action between the sheets.
Things to think about when bringing up the idea of using sex toys with your partner.
It doesn’t really matter what year it is or how much we’ve progressed (or not) as a society, there are always going to be some individuals out there, even those in trusting and communicative long-term relationships, who may need a little handholding to open themselves up to the idea of using sex toys with your partner.
If you find yourself feeling a little nervous about approaching the idea of exploring the use of sex toys together as a couple, it’s a good idea to come from a place of noting “how great the experience will be for the relationship,” and not what it is you feel your sex life might be missing. If you come from a place of excitement and discuss how this could bring the two of you closer and truly strengthen those levels of intimacy, it really sets things up for a positive and honest discussion.
Experts also note that sometimes dismissive or apprehensive partners may feel as though a sex toy could replace them or become something that could interfere in their regular sex life with their partner. It’s important to be open to discuss any of these fears and perhaps look at what your own self-pleasure journey looks like completely on your own if they’re not willing to participate.
Don’t be afraid to consult an expert if you find yourself stuck on one of these steps.
Similar to how you would consult a dermatologist to check out a new rash on your skin or a pharmacist to discuss the best allergy medicine on the market, sometimes you just need the help of a true expert to get you through a sticky situation that you don’t know how to handle yourself.
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If what you’re looking for is to explore the world of sex toys with your partner and you need a great deal of help in approaching the subject, you could consult a professional sex therapist together. They may be able to help you get the language right and help your partner to see all of the amazing ways the world of sex toys can really help to deepen intimacy.
And if you’ve only been browsing sex toys from the comfort and safety of your computer — which is totally fine, we don’t blame you — there’s actually something to be said about heading out to a pleasure boutique and seeing everything in-person and picking up things up with your hands to get a better feel of them.
*Psst: if you choose to purchase an item from this post, LittleThings may receive a small cut. Each item and price is up to date at the time of publication; however, an item may be sold out or the price may be different at a later date.
