If you’ve never heard of a bidet before, allow me to sum it up: A bidet is a device that sprays your butt with water after you poop. Bidet fans claim that it’s cleaner, more efficient, and more pleasant than using toilet paper alone.
Yes, bidets can sound a bit strange at first, but rinsing your butt with water intuitively seems more hygienic than just wiping. I decided to try installing one onto my own toilet to see how it’d affect my life.
The first time I saw a bidet, I was abroad for the first time in Europe. Bidets are a rare sight in the U.S., but they’re incredibly common in other countries, including parts of Europe and Asia. The word “bidet” comes from France, where using a bidet is standard procedure.
That first bidet was a traditional stand-alone model — separate from the toilet, it looked like an additional toilet bowl with a faucet attached. It was intimidating. I definitely did not use it. I forgot all about it afterward.
Fast forward to a few years ago. My sister was dating a wealthy French man, and his family's apartment had a very fancy bidet built into the toilet. Imported from Japan, it had two faucets so you could rinse either your bum or your hoo-ha. It was complete with temperature settings, buttons to adjust the water pressure and angle, a seat warmer, and even a blow-dryer. For your bum!
Immediately, I understood the European love for bidets. They are basically a spa shower for your butt! What's not to love?! Like the bidet fans say, it feels cleaner, more efficient, and more pleasant to rinse with water rather than wipe with toilet paper.
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However, these fancy contraptions can easily cost thousands of dollars, and I assumed at the time were difficult to install. Once again, I forgot all about them. But this time, the sad land of toilet paper was just never the same.
Recently I learned that there are budget bidets that cost only $25. They're easy to install yourself. And while they don't include fancy features like a blow-dryer for your bum, they are still basically a shower for your butt.
Naturally, I had to try one of these budget bidets for myself to see if it would live up to my expectations.
Unpacking the Bidet
I chose the Astor CB-100, which I bought for $24.95 on Amazon. I chose it because it has an almost absurd number of positive reviews, and, again, it is $24.95.
After I ordered it, it took about a week for the box to arrive at my home, at which point I squealed in excitement and busted open the box. Butt showers, here I come!
OK, so here's how this type of bidet works. Until now, I had never even glanced at my toilet's plumbing before, so I'm going to explain this as if I were explaining it to my own former, completely clueless self.
You know that pipe that brings water from the wall to your toilet tank? No, you never noticed? Me neither. But it's there. This bidet simply re-routes the water from that pipe into the bidet and through a nozzle, where it becomes a shower for your butt. There is a dial to control the pressure of the water flow.
That's pretty much it. There are no fancy buttons to press, no seat warmer, and no temperature control. so it's just plain cold or room-temperature water.
This is, as I understand it, just one of several types of bidets out there, but it is the simplest contraption, which is probably why you can buy one for $24.95.
I really wanted this bidet to change my life. But whether this simple, no-frills bidet would even be worth the effort remained to be seen.
The unit came with everything I needed to install it, and I didn't know the name for any of these things, but their purpose became very clear as soon as I began installing it.
The only item I didn't use was the steel hose — my toilet situation already had one of those, so I didn't need it. It's only necessary if your toilet has a straight pipe instead of a bendable one.
Also, tools!
According to the manual, you need a wrench and a screwdriver to install this bidet. I owned neither, so I bought them. But I didn't end up using the wrench at all.
OK, time to install!
Installing the Bidet
First, I removed my toilet seat in order to add the bidet underneath.
Again, I've never even thought about my toilet seat before, or the fact that it can be removed, so I was a little intimidated by this step. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find that you literally just use a screwdriver to remove a couple of screws, and the toilet seat comes right off.
You'll be left with a naked toilet with two holes on top. That's where the bidet goes. Match up the holes and center the nozzle.
Then re-screw the toilet seat on, like so.
I felt like a legit plumber by this point, even though I really just unscrewed and re-screwed two screws. Impressive!
Next, I turned off the water supply, then flushed the toilet once to get rid of any extra water in the tank.
Then I unscrewed the part of the hose that connects to the toilet tank.
And I added the white thing that comes with the bidet. This is the part that splits the water flow into two.
Then I reattached the white thing back to the toilet tank.
Next, you have to attach this whole setup to the part of the bidet that's sitting on the toilet seat.
I added the plastic tube that came with the bidet to the first white thing.
Then plugged the other end of the plastic tube into the underside of the bidet.
And that's…it?! Wow, that's it. I did it! I installed a bidet!
The installation took maybe 20 minutes from start to finish, including all the brief moments of "Wait, what?" while I got oriented.
I turned the water supply back on, then got ready to test out my butt's new best friend.
Testing the Bidet
Before testing the bidet on its intended audience (my butt), I turned it on just to see if it worked, how the water pressure was, and whether any of the parts would spring a leak.
This turned out to be a dumb idea. It worked indeed, and the water pressure was quite strong. I sprayed myself full-on in the face.
Undeterred, I wiped my face off and sat my butt down on the toilet where it belongs. Then I tried again.
Now, again, this bidet uses only cold water, sprays at one angle only, and does not include a blow-dryer for your bum. It's not so much a spa shower as it is a regular outdoor shower, like when you rinse off at the beach.
And yet, it was amazing. It made me feel squeaky-clean, and it felt a little funny but not in a bad way. The water pressure on this model is very strong on the highest setting, so you have to tread carefully, but it is truly easy to use and a joy. I love showering my butt. It is infinitely better than toilet paper and it just makes more sense.
I should note that, shortly after I installed the bidet, my toilet tank began leaking from the handle. The water level in the tank was too high. However, this didn't seem to have anything to do with the bidet, which doesn't affect the water tank. I think that perhaps something happened when I turned the water off and then back on. In any case, I lowered the water by adjusting the knob that's attached to the wall, flushed the toilet, and didn't have a problem again.
The only thing I don't like about this bidet is that it creates a gap between my toilet and the toilet seat, as pictured here.
But you know what? I don't even care. I love this thing.
The Verdict
I give the budget bidet 10/10 stars. I have no real complaints. My butt is happy.
I wanted this bidet to change my life, and in a very small but also very exciting way, it did. It made using the toilet a more pleasant experience. That's what I wanted, and it delivered.
Bidets for everyone!
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